


Touch

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: McHanzo [12]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Family, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Medical Experimentation, Missions, Missions Gone Wrong, Promises, Protectiveness, Romance, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Team as Family, Touch-Starved, Trust, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-08-20 04:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16549076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: The Shimada clan can only be ruled by a worthy leader, an alpha, and they were willing to go to any length to ensure that Hanzo fit into that role. Years later their efforts are still haunting the archer, his secrets gradually beginning to unravel around him, whilst McCree is determined to show him that things are different now, that he...they...can have a future. A/B/O.





	1. Chapter 1

    McCree has always hated the infirmary, even though Angela had always done her best to make it as welcoming and soothing as possible. But he must admit that this - being forced to wait outside in the corridor, alternating between the uncomfortable seats lining the wall and pacing in front of the doors is far worse. It’s also something that has got worse with age he thinks as he slumps onto the nearest chair once more, rubbing a hand across his face, or maybe it’s because its Hanzo in there, and he doesn’t particularly want to think about why that makes it worse. Or maybe it wasn’t a mission or an attack that landed the archer in there. Hell, he doesn’t even know what is wrong - hey had been training, the reclusive archer having finally given in to his pleas for a friendly rematch, and it had been a simulation that they had run through countless times with the rest of their team. Even with just the two of them, it had been a smooth run through until it hadn’t - so what the hell had gone wrong?

    _McCree had been jubilant when Athena’s voice had filled the practice range to say the simulation was complete and to inform that he had won the friendly competition – barely. Two extra bots were hardly much of a victory, but still, it had been two months since he had managed to beat the archer. Grinning he had slipped Peacemaker away into its holster, making a note to treat her to a good clean that evening, before turning to look at Hanzo. He wanted to savour his victory, and maybe convince the archer to spend the rest of the afternoon just relaxing and hanging out, something that would probably be shot down as soon as he said it, but he had to try. However, his grin faded a little the moment his gaze landed on the other man. It wasn’t obvious, but after months of working together and working his ass off to work his way past the impressive barriers Hanzo had erected around himself, McCree had learnt to look for the little hints. And it was clear that the archer was more distant than usual, seeming distracted as he ran his fingers over his bow with practised ease, checking it over as he did after every training session or mission._

_“Hanzo…?”_

_Hanzo jolted violently, and McCree’s eyes narrowed as Hanzo instinctively curled in on himself even as he took a small step back. It had been something he had noticed from the moment the archer had arrived at the Watchpoint, he shied away from sudden noises, although only ever in the safety of the base or wherever they had set up camp on a mission. In the midst of battle, he was unruffled by explosions and gunfire, but back at home, a single word said unexpectedly could send him into a defensive curl. Touch was worse. McCree had learned that the hard way the first time they had successfully completed a training simulation together, automatically reaching out to clap the other man on the shoulder, only to be greeted with the sight of Hanzo stumbling back out of reach and staring at him with wide, panicked eyes before turning and fleeing._

_At first, he had feared it had been because it was him, aware that he hadn’t given the archer the warmest welcome when he had first joined them, unable to forget what the man had done to his own brother. It wasn’t helped by the fact that they were both alphas, both of them snapping automatically at the other as they adjusted to one another, but it had been Genji, who had taken him aside and told him not to take offence and that Hanzo was like that with everyone. Not wanting to argue with Genji, he had watched and seen for himself that it was true, the archer fleeing like a startled cat whenever someone tried to touch him, including his brother, and while he was relieved that it wasn’t just him, he had found himself wanting to reach out to the archer. It had taken months of cautious conversations, of just being there, of offering friendship and the option to train together but gradually the archer had warmed to him. Although touching remained a no-no except under dire circumstances - like last month when the Cowboy had been forced to haul Hanzo to safety, but if he forgot, Hanzo no longer fled, although he would retreat and watch with wary eyes for a few hours before regaining his previous calm._

   _Still, it had been dismaying to see, and it had taken McCree a couple of minutes to drag his thoughts back to the present and realise that Hanzo was now watching him, eyes narrowed and every muscle taut and he hadn’t been able to stop the sigh that had slipped out. ‘Why are you afraid of me?’ The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it back, instead glancing slightly off to the side. “You seem distracted?”_

_“I-I apologise.”_

_“I wasn’t looking for an apology, partner,” McCree had pointed out at once, rubbing at his face, and wondering whether he would ever have a simple conversation with the other man before lifting his gaze to meet Hanzo’s and stating bluntly. “I was worried.”_

_“Worried?” The confusion on his face would have been amusing if it wasn’t for the fact that it wasn’t something he should have been confused by, and McCree is once more consumed by the desire to know what has made the archer like this. “But, I…” It is clear he is overwhelmed, and the Cowboy opens his mouth, intending to change the topic - to reassure him. Anything that will help, but before he can get a word out Hanzo goes still, eyes wide, not with confusion this time but fear and McCree feels something tight and unpleasant curling in his stomach._

_“Hanzo?” He’s already moving, caution about touching completely forgotten as the colour seems to drain from Hanzo’s face, and it’s the broken whisper of his name that has him darting forward just as Hanzo’s legs seem to give way beneath him, sending him tumbling to the floor._

_“J-Jesse…”_

_Sheer desperation is the only reason why he manages to get there in time, and for a moment his brain is rather unhelpfully focused on the fact that Hanzo is in his arms, and that he’s holding him without him flinching away. But any jubilation that he might have felt vanishes the moment he realises that the archer’s eyes are closed and that his skin is letting off a worrying heat that has him muttering curses under his breath even as he swings the smaller man up into his arms. He doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, but he knows that he’s not the one who can fix this and he shouts to Athena to let Angela know that they were on their way, barely waiting for the A.I. to acknowledge his demand before bolting for the door, arms tightening protectively around Hanzo._

     That had been nearly an hour ago. Angela had been waiting for him at the door to the infirmary, expression grim as she directed him to settle the archer on one of the beds, listening to his frantically babbled explanation. Because damn it all they’re supposed to be safe from things like this when they’re on the base, and he had felt strangely bereft now that his arms are empty, and he tried to inch closer to the bed, only to find her gently chivvying him out of the room. Only the fact that her expression had softened, blue eyes full of concern as she glances back at the unconscious archer and her promise to tell him as soon as she knows something, gets him out of the door, the sound of it closing as she returns to her patient sounding grim in the empty corridor.

    However, as the minutes’ pass with no sign of the doctor, he begins to regret his swift agreement, finding himself back on his feet and pacing once more, each circle taking him closer and closer to the door. If it weren’t for the fact that he knew how bad her temper could be when interrupted he would have been back in the infirmary. _Back at his side._ Another couple of circuits of the narrow corridor and he is seriously contemplating just risking it, after all, she can’t hurt him that badly, it would just give her another patient to deal with/

“McCree?” The sudden voice makes him tense, and he is reminded painfully of Hanzo even as he whirls, one hand automatically dropping to his gun. Hanzo is defenceless right now, and Angela is busy looking after him - which means he should… He blinks as he takes in the familiar figure who has just rounded the corner, snatching his fingers away from his gun as he stares at Genji.

“Genji…”

“Angela messaged me,” Genji explained, and while he sounds as calm as normal, McCree catches the way he is shifting from foot to foot - he’s worried. McCree frowned, wondering when the doctor had the chance to message him and his gaze strays back to the infirmary door. _What is going on?_ He has seen her patch up life-threatening wounds in less time than this, hell more than once she had done it for him and he fidgeted, his mind racing with possibilities of what could be wrong, each more outlandish than the former and he is almost relieved when Genji continues.  “She said that Hanzo is in the infirmary, and that she needed to speak to me?”

_Almost…_

“He collapsed,” McCree replies in a soft voice, as though saying it quietly will make it any less real - any less worrying. He was trying to find the words to explain when the door finally opens behind them, and he spins so fast that he almost topples over, making no effort to hide his desperation for answers. “Doc?”

     It has been a long time since he has seen her look that furious, eyes glittering and no trace of her usual smile to be seen, and he fights the urge to step back. She might be a healer, but she is a terrifying fighter at the best of times, and right now McCree doesn’t trust her to hold back. Which is why he was both relieved and stunned when she ignores his question and instead turns on Genji, the ninja taking a half step back as he takes in the blazing glare now sent in his direction.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you?” Genji echoes, clearly confused, and all McCree can recall is how confused Hanzo had looked at the fact that he was worried about him, his hands curling into fists at his side, and he struggles to focus on their conversation. “I don’t understand - what am I supposed to have told you?”

“That your brother is an omega,” Angela snaps, and both Genji and McCree freeze at her words, unable to say anything as she continues, listing each thing off on the tip of a finger. “That someone has implanted an OSD in him, that said device has been in there so long that I have no idea how much damage it will have caused. That said the device has now corroded, and that he has clearly been using Alpha pheromones for a protracted length of time.” She trails off into German, which is enough to tell McCree just how furious she is. Remembering all the times she lapsed into her own tongue when he had driven her to despair when he was younger, and even more often when Reyes or Morrison had ended up in her clutches. But it’s hard to focus on that, because right now all he can focus on her words. _Hanzo is an omega?_ That can’t be right - he smelt like an alpha, which might be explained by taking pheromones, but it was the way he acted. The fact that he flinched away from touch, rather than seeking it out as an omega would - he was an alpha, and yet…he knew that Angela would never joke about something like this, and his stomach is doing flip flops, his gaze straying to the infirmary door once more.

“I did not know…” Genji finally breaks into her rant, his tone one of anguish and his head is bowed for a moment before he looks up at Angela, a touch of desperation seeping into his voice. “You are sure?”

“Of course, I am sure,” she sounds offended that she would be doubted, and McCree realises that he must’ve have looked unconvinced as well when she glances at him because her eyes flash and she takes a step back, shoving the infirmary door partially open. “Smell that!”

     There is no way to miss the scent coming from the infirmary. Hanzo still smells like Hanzo, but there is something new slipping into his scent, and McCree takes a wary step back, feeling something stirring as the smell of omega hits him. Yet it’s like no omega he’s ever smelt, and his nose wrinkles - it’s wrong and from the way Genji has tensed he has caught it as well.

“What’s wrong with him?” McCree demands, relieved and disappointed when Angela closes the door, cutting off the scent, before turning to look at him, her previous fury replaced by exhaustion and worry as she glances at Genji silently asking for permission to tell McCree as well despite her earlier promise. Genji hesitates for a moment before nodding silently, and she took a deep breath before explaining.

“Omega Suppressant Devices are experimental at best, and the one Hanzo has been given is ancient,” she can’t keep the anger out of her voice, and McCree finds his eyes narrowing in suspicion. He feels like he’s come to know the archer fairly well over the past few months, although maybe not if this secret is anything to go by - but still, he can’t imagine that the archer would have agreed to use such a device, at least not willingly. “They were supposed to be used for no longer than a year at most, but…”

“But...?” Genji prompted.

“I would say that his has been in for at least a decade, if not longer.”

    They both caught the full body flinch that wracked Genji in the wake of those words, his vents flaring, and McCree could see the way his hands had twitched towards his weapons. While his surprise over the news had seemed genuine, it was clear that he knew something, or that he had at least worked something out.

“Genji?”

“Could it have been closer to two decades?” Genji’s tone is grim, darker than McCree had ever heard it even when he was still caught up in his anger over what Hanzo had done to him. Angela was silent for a moment, brow furrowed in thought, expression darkening as she finally gives a hesitant nod.

“It is possible, although I hope not.” McCree wants to demand what she means by that, but a low growl from Genji distracted him.

“They would dare…” The ninja seems to be unaware of them now, muttering to himself under his breath in a mixture of English and Japanese and McCree is fairly sure that every one of them is a curse word. Sharing a worried glance with Angela he steps forward and cautiously rests a hand on Genji’s shoulder, half expecting to find himself with a shuriken in his face, but instead, the younger man sighs and looks at him. “I apologise.” He paused and turns towards Angela. “I do not know for sure, but I suspect that this may have been something our fa…clan might have done to him.”

“Why?”

“Only an Alpha was allowed to lead the Shimada clan…” Genji trailed off, not needing to mention that even if he had been an Alpha and not a Beta he still wouldn’t have been chosen, everyone on base knew what had happened between him and Hanzo back then.

“I see.”

“Will he be okay?” McCree has a feeling that they will all have a lot more to talk about in the future, and he doesn’t want to imagine how Hanzo is going to react to having his secret revealed against his will. But for now, the only thing he wants – needs -to know is that the archer will be all right because any other outcome is simply unacceptable.

“I have to remove the device, there is no other choice,” Angela has switched back to doctor mode now, frowning as she glances behind her at the door, shaking her head as she adds softly. “And he will have to stop taking the pheromones. How he has lasted this long…”

“My brother possesses a strong will.”

    McCree almost laughs at that, knowing that it’s just a polite way of saying that Hanzo is stubborn, something that the entire base learnt within just a few days of having the archer as part of the team. However, he doesn’t, noticing that Angela hadn’t answered his question and not liking the way her tone darkened when she had said that there was no other choice.

“Doc?”

“It will take him time to recover from this, and I cannot say exactly what effects this will have on him,” Angela replies, hesitancy in every word and McCree feels his heart sinking. He had wanted her to smile and say that the archer would be fine, that they would soon be back on the range again for a rematch because he knew that there was no way Hanzo would let himself remain defeated for long - or would he? How much of that had been the influence of the pheromones? He pushes that thought away, refusing to believe that the friendship they had built up over the last few months was completely a lie. “If he has been suppressing his true nature for that long…” Angela trailed off for a minute, before sighing, her shoulders bowed as she finishes softly.  “It will take a while.”

“All right, thanks doc…” _Hanzo…_

“I need to get back to him, I really don’t want to wait to perform the surgery,” Angela says already moving for the door, before glancing back as Genji straightens, half turning as though he is about to walk away and she frowned. He had always stuck to his brother’s side like glue on the few occasions that the archer had wound up in her care before, and she can’t believe that finding out Hanzo is an omega would change that. “Genji?”

“Please, contact me when I can see him.”

“You’re not staying?” McCree demands, indignant for Hanzo’s sake, although he can practically hear the archer telling him to let his brother be. Always willing to let Genji have his way, partly out of guilt and partly out of affection, and right now he wants to growl at him to worry about himself for once. Genji shakes his head, turning to look at the Cowboy and he looks so defeated - so lost, that McCree finds himself to be angry with the younger man, waiting as the ninja seems to gather himself.

“I…” He trails off for a minute, hands clenching and unclenching at his side before he heaves a sigh and straightens. “My mind is clouded. I need to meditate before I can face him…” There had been a time when Genji had needed to meditate multiple times a day to keep his anger and confusion at bay, but nowadays it was more habit than anything else, and McCree grimaced, not liking to think just what was going through his  mind if he felt the need to meditate to clear it. Sighing he nodded to show that he understood, even if he still wasn’t overly happy about it. “Thank you…” Genji sent one more lingering glance at the infirmary before he was gone, disappearing without another word and leaving Angela and McCree staring awkwardly at one another for a moment.

“McCree?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” McCree assures her, grimacing as he glances at the uncomfortable chairs lining the corridor before heaving a sigh. His back might end up regretting it, but there was no way he had any intention of shifting until he knew that Hanzo was all right. “Doc…” He hesitates, knowing better than anyone just how skilled she is and how far she will go to save them, and he adds softly. “Please, just take care of him.”

“Of course.” There’s no sign she’s offended by his words. Instead, she offers him a small smile and a strange, knowing look that he doesn’t fully understand before slipping back to the infirmary, the door closing quietly behind.

    McCree is left in the empty corridor again, his earlier panic now twisted into deeper, more complicated knots and he sighs as he staggers back until his legs hit the edge of a seat, sinking down into it and burying his head in hands. Of all the scenarios that had been flashing through his mind earlier, this was not one of them, and his expression darkened - Angela’s words and Genji’s running through his mind, and a low growl rumbles through his chest at the thought that the Shimada clan might have done more to Hanzo than any of them had thought. How much of this situation was due to them? And how much to the stubborn archer? The clan was all but gone, Genji had made it plain that he had forgiven his brother for what had happened between them, so why - why hadn’t Hanzo reached out to his brother? To McCree? To any of them? The questions were pointless right now because the only person who could answer them was currently unconscious and yet McCree couldn’t get his thoughts to settle, groaning as he let his head fall back against the wall.

_Hanzo…._

**

     Genji feels like a coward as he darts through the base, trying to put as much distance between himself and the infirmary as possible, while carefully avoiding any of the others. He knows that the news of Hanzo’s collapse will spread soon enough and right now he cannot bear the thought of their concerned questions, their worried looks and it is a relief when he reaches the outside without seeing anyone. Taking a deep breath, he bounds up onto the rooftops, grateful for the fact that he doesn’t have to think about such actions after all these years because right now his thoughts are a chaotic swirl in his mind. He honestly has no idea if he will even be able to meditate right now, there was no tranquillity in his heart or mind right now. In the space of a few minutes the calm, the acceptance of the past that he had worked so hard has been stripped away, and he doesn’t know what to do.

    He comes to a halt on a ledge on the watchtower, it’s a narrow shelf of concrete that both he and Hanzo have adopted as their own. No one else can reach them, or at least not easily - Fareeha had flown up to them more than once when they had got caught up in a conversation. And for a moment he contemplates going somewhere else, the memories of those conversations tainted by the knowledge that Hanzo had been keeping secrets from him. However, in the end, he stays, settling on the ledge and letting his gaze wander towards the sea.

_Brother, why didn’t you tell me?_

   


	2. Chapter 2

     Meditation had become as easy as breathing to Genji over recent years, and yet today he couldn’t quiet his mind enough to slip into the necessary state. Instead, he found himself being plagued by new questions as he turned the current situation over and over in his mind.

His brother was an omega.

    It explained many things in a way, a sad smile tugging at his lips as he remembered how affectionate his brother had been when they were younger, always wrapping an arm around his shoulder or clinging to his wrist when they explored the castle and the streets of Hanamura. The way Hanzo would welcome him when he slipped into his brother’s bed after a bad dream, or whenever his own room felt too big and lonely when he was too wired to sleep. Genji had always soaked up the affection, often pleading for and getting more regardless of the disapproval of their teachers and the Clan elders and he knew that many in the clan had thought that he was going to be an omega. And everyone had been startled when he had presented as a beta a little after his twelfth birthday.

    That had been a bone of contention between them for a while because Hanzo despite being three years older than him still hadn’t presented at that point. However, after a week or so, things had returned to normal between them, although Genji had been dismayed to find that his new status meant that suddenly he was being faced with fresh expectations - expectations that he had no interest in. Hanzo had been the only reason he hadn’t buckled as suddenly he had found himself being forced into more intensive training, both in weapons and the family business, because a beta was a useful tool that could help the family, whereas an omega would have been a stain on the family honour and little more than a bargaining chip. He had hated it, but Hanzo had been there, murmuring advice and comfort in his ears when he could get away with it, sitting with him and soothing aching muscles after a training session from hell and still being the same, affectionate brother he had always been. _Which is why I should have realised something was wrong…_

    It had been nearly nine months later that Hanzo had finally presented. Genji could remember the tension in the household the morning after it was announced, but back then he had put it down to worry, to fear that they might lose their heir because both he and their mother had been told that there were complications. It was rare, but not unheard of when a young Alpha went into their first rut, and while Genji was worried about his brother, he hadn’t fought the order to stay away until Hanzo was more stable. After all, his brother was strong, there was no way he wouldn’t pull through, and then everything would get back to normal.

_I was an idiot…_

    He could remember becoming a little suspicious when a couple of weeks had passed without any sign of his brother, his questions just earning bland, unhelpful answers…

_‘The Young Master is recovering’…._

_’He just needs time to adjust to his new situation’…_

A bitter chuckle welled up at that memory. _Adjust…_ If his suspicions were correct, what they had really meant was that they needed time to fix the situation, time to find a solution to the fact that their heir was an omega.

“Damn it…” He snarled under his breath, slamming his fist against the ledge and squeezing his eyes shut against the burning sensation of tears building up. _Hanzo, what did they do to you? Just how much did I turn a blind eye to?_

    His brother had never been the same when he had finally reappeared nearly a month and a half after he had presented. There were no more affectionate touches, in fact, more than once he had caught his brother physically recoiling if he reached out, although he had always played it off as nothing and refused to answer Genji’s increasingly demanding questions, and at some point, Genji had given up. He’d stopped trying to seek his brother’s affection, pulling away from him in the belief that it was what Hanzo wanted, widening the gulf between them and acting out deliberately. Putting more and more pressure on the ‘perfect’ heir, trying to punish him for pulling away, for leaving him at the mercy of their family. _Hanzo…_

    The sound of his communicator going off was a welcome distraction, and he quickly accepted the call, his stomach churning for a different reason as he heard Angela’s voice on the other end, nerves that he hadn’t been aware of till then surging to the forefront of his mind and he shifted uneasily. What if something had gone wrong?

“Angela?”

“ _The surgery was a success although the deterioration of the device was much worse than I originally thought_.” He had never been more grateful for her ability to cut to the heart of the matter, although his relief was somewhat muted, eyes narrowing at the latter bit.

“What do you mean?”

“ _There is an infection, which is why he collapsed when he did_ ,” she replied, and Genji scowled, his expression darkening as she added. “ _If he hadn’t_ …”

“But he will be all right?” _Please, I can’t lose him…not before I make things right._ The thought that he could have lost his brother without knowing any of this made him tremble, and the thought that he could potentially still lose him was even worse.

“ _Barring any complications_.” It wasn’t quite the answer that he wanted, but for now, it was enough because he had been in her care often enough to know just how capable she was at handling any complications that might arise. He was about to add that he was on his way and end the call when he paused, another thought occurring to him, raised by the memory of her pulling him back from the brink after his fight with Hanzo all those years ago. His breath caught as he was assailed by the memory of his brother towering over him, face contorted with what he had thought was simply rage. Then a final glimpse of his brother’s face as he fell, his breath quickening as he recalled the tears that had been streaking down Hanzo’s cheeks and the way he looked as though he had just awakened from a nightmare to realise that it wasn’t a dream.

_Is it possible?_

“Angela…” Genji began hesitantly, hands clenching in his lap as he took a calming breath, waiting for her hum of acknowledgement before continuing. “I have a question…about, what was done to my brother…” He had to pause for a moment, a bubble of anger rising despite his best efforts to subdue it - just how much harm did their family have to cause them before they would be satisfied? Scowling, fingers moving to brush against his shuriken, the reminder that he was no longer helpless helping to calm him, even though there was no one he could target right now and his voice was steadier as he asked the question that he wasn’t even sure that he wanted the answer too. “Would it have affected his behaviour?”

_“What do you mean?”_

“Back…” He swallowed, even after so many years he didn’t like talking about what had happened back then, and he knew that his teammates disliked the reminder of what had been done to him. “Back when he was ordered to kill me, his emotions…they were all over the place, more than they should have been I mean…” At the time, he hadn’t given much thought to the contorted expression his brother had worn while they were fighting, the stiffness to his movements as though he was fighting himself as much as he was fighting Genji. A small part of him had hoped that maybe it was a sign that his brother hadn’t wanted to kill him. A hope that had been dashed when Hanzo’s sword had met his flesh, but now, now he could see that it had been more, and his stomach was twisting itself into knots as he waited for the healer to reply.

“ _I can’t say with any degree of certainty,”_ Angela replied a moment later, and Genji could imagine the frown on her face, guessing that she would have her tablet out to search through her medical records even as she continued thoughtfully. _“However, it is possible. These devices are capable of stopping an omega’s heats and affecting the production of their natural pheromones, but it is not enough to completely eradicate an omega’s natural instincts. Those instincts would still have been present and warring with the Alpha pheromones he has been taking. Such a conflict…it would be difficult not to be affected by such a thing…_ ” There was pain in her voice that made him wonder just what else she knew, but he trusted that she would have told him if it would help with Hanzo and he sighed, turning his gaze to the sky, turning her answer over in his mind.

“I see.”

_“Genji…”_

“I will be there as soon as possible,” He cut her off, not ready to deal with her sympathy and concern right now. Nt when it felt like everything he had known, everything he had believed was threatening to collapse around him, and he thumbed off the communicator without another word before burying his head in his hands.

_Brother…_

****

    McCree had finally been allowed into the infirmary, the strange smell knocking him back a step for a couple of minutes and he had lingered by the door, breathing deeply and trying to adapt to the scent, refusing to make a fool of himself around the archer. He had caught the approving expression on Angela’s face, and a hint of something more in her eyes that he didn’t want to think about now. And it was only when he had been completely confident that he wasn’t going to do anything stupid that he moved cautiously to the curtained off the bed at the end of the room. He’d half expected the healer to follow him, but he could hear her bustling around behind him, and a small part of him was relieved, especially as he felt his expression darkening as he got his first sight of Hanzo since the older man had collapsed on him. If it wasn’t for the fact that Angela had assured him that the archer was doing fine and that with time he would heal, then he might have been more inclined to think that the other man was doing worse. He certainly looked like hell, nothing like his usual immaculate self and it left the gunslinger feeling uneasy and helpless.

“Hey partner,” he greeted softly, hesitating for a moment before moving across and dropping down into one of the seats that had been set next to the bed, staring at the hand resting on top of the covers almost in invitation, but he resisted the urge to take it. He had a feeling that the archer was going to be upset enough about being carried to the infirmary, without adding anything else, but he did lean in closer, removing his hat so that he could have a clear view of the other man.  “You better not let a little something like this defeat you, we need to have a rematch as soon as you’re up and about. There ain’t no way I can accept that last victory knowing you were ill.”

   He hadn’t been expecting a reply, after all, Angela had warned him that it would probably be a couple of hours at least before the archer stirred, but still, it was disappointing and disconcerting to see no change in the blank expression. It had taken him time, but he was used to reading the little shifts and hints in Hanzo’s expression that would tell him what the other man truly thinking, and he found himself missing that. His fingers tightening on the brim of his hat as he clutched it against himself, settling back in the seat although his gaze never wavered from Hanzo’s face.

_I’ll be waiting…_

****           

    It was the sluggish creep towards awareness that told Hanzo that something was wrong. Long years of living on the move, constantly hunted by one party or another had left him with the ability to snap awake in an instance. Today though his mind and body felt disconnected from one another, his mind slowly stirring, while his body just felt heavy and unresponsive, almost as though it didn’t belong to him, and he frowned at the sensation. It was one he was familiar with, and usually meant that a mission had gone badly awry, but he couldn’t remember being on a mission, and his frown deepened. _What happened?_ There was a soft noise from beside him, and he immediately stiffened, shifting slightly as he turned towards the sound, only to regret it a moment later as pain lanced up his side, drawing a groan from him as he immediately stilled and his breath caught as it seemed to take ages for the pain to subside.

“Doc, he’s waking up.” The sudden voice startled him, but he recognised it, and it helped to settle the panic that was trying to rise through the sluggishness. _McCree,_ even with his thoughts as sluggish as they currently were, there was no way for him to mistake that soft drawl, the sound reassuring him that he wasn’t alone. With that reassurance came the realisation that cool fingers were brushing against his wrist and he flinched away from the touch, the jolt of fear giving him the impetus to open his eyes. The world blurred for a moment, although he could vaguely make out the distinctive shape of McCree’s hat and his lip quirked slightly - of all the things to be able to recognise. Tilting his head in the other direction, he blinked as he realised that Genji was stood beside him, and as his vision cleared a little he realised his brother must’ve been the one touching him as it looked as though he had jumped a half step back and frozen. The slump to his brother’s shoulders told him that the flinch had hurt him, and there was an apology on the tip of Hanzo’s tongue, but he wasn’t given a chance to voice it as Angela descended on them in a whirl of activity.

    Blearily, his thoughts still too sluggish he listened as the healer hustled his brother and McCree out of the infirmary despite their protests, and he frowned because they had always been able to stay before. The last time he had ended up in here Genji had refused to budge from his side for nearly two days, and Angela hadn’t put much effort into herding him out. _So, what is going on?_ He must have drifted off for a moment because the next thing he knew the woman was leaning over him and he tensed before he realised that she was carefully avoiding touching him.

“Angela…” His voice was hoarse, telling him that he had been out for a little while, but she seemed pleased by the recognition as she smiled warmly at him before snapping back into healer mode, watching him with searching eyes, no doubt to check for any sign of a lie.

 “Do you know where you are?”

“The infirmary…” Hanzo whispered, earning a small nod and another smile from the healer and he frowned deepened. Usually, when they had got themselves injured on a mission she was concerned and stern, she never smiled this much unless they nearly got themselves killed and it almost felt as though she was being deliberately gentle in her approach. “Why am I here?” _What happened? Why are you like this? Why was McCree here as well?_ It wasn’t unheard of for the Cowboy to pop in and out of the infirmary to check on him when he was injured, especially if they had been working together, but he’d got the impression that McCree had been sat there waiting for him to wake up this time. _Why?_

“You don’t remember?”

“I….” Hanzo paused, trying to marshal his sluggish mind into action, eyes narrowing as he tried to work through the haze, blinking when he realised that he couldn’t even remember being on a job, and there was a hint of uncertainty as he met her gaze once more. “I remember practising with McCree, and then…nothing?” Even his memories of their ‘practice’ were hazy, he knew that they were supposed to be competing and he could vaguely remember teasing the Cowboy that there was no way he was going to lose to him, but everything else was blurry, as though he hadn’t been completely there. He shifted uneasily, only to be reminded why that wasn’t a good idea as he doubled over with a pained gasp, biting his lip to stop it becoming anything more. _It hurts…_

    Cautiously, and ignoring Angela’s order to stop he reached towards the source of the pain, stilling as his searching fingers found bandages, pausing for a minute before he tracked them to a thicker patch that lay to the left on his abdomen and something unpleasant curled in his stomach. _No…_ Bile was rising at the back of his throat, and despite the pain he hunched in on himself, flinching violently when Angela tried to reach out to stop him and barely aware of her worried voice as she tried to get him to look at her. Silently he shook his head. _No…no…nonono…_ If there hadn’t been a mission, there was only one thing that could have required her attention just there, which meant that she knew - which meant that they all knew. Shame and fear warred for control as he finally managed to coax his voice to work, although his gaze remained firmly fixed on anywhere but her, unable to bear the disappointment or disgust he was certain that he would find in her eyes.

“What happened…?” _How did you find out? How much do you know? How much does McCree know…?_

“You collapsed,” her voice was still as gentle as it had been before, and somehow that made it worse, and he hunched further in on himself, the pain giving him something else to focus on. “The device had partially disintegrated, and it has caused an infection, I had no choice but to remove it.” Hanzo sucked in a sharp breath at that news. _It’s gone?_ Once upon a time, that news would have been enough to send him spiralling into panic, but now he just felt numb, unsure of how he was supposed to feel or react, his fingers pressing against the bandages.

  _It’s gone…_

“So you know…?” It wasn’t really a question, especially as now that he was more alert he could tell that his scent had changed, his nose wrinkling slightly. How long had it been since he’d smelt his own scent? For a moment, he was back in his room in the Shimada castle, waking to find himself sweating and crying out in the grip of his first heat and he trembled at the memory. _It’s really gone._ Taking a trembling breath he finally looked up at Angela, not sure what to make of the expression on her face, but finding no trace of the emotions that he’d been expecting and that him the courage to ask. “Who else knows…?”

“At the moment just your brother and Jesse,” she replied, and he closed his eyes, a small part of him had realised that McCree would have known something if he’d collapsed when they were training, but he’d hoped that he hadn’t known it all. Hearing that Genji knew as well was a blow because he had hidden this from his brother from years. It was part of the reason they had grown apart, and it was something else he needed to apologise for, and he was alarmed to realise that his eyes were stinging. “Hanzo…”

“Hmm...?”

“I only have one question,” Angela took the soft hum as encouragement to continue, although there was a cautious edge to her voice that alerted him to the fact that he probably wasn’t going to like her question, and he slowly opened his eyes to look at her. “Did you choose to have that device implanted?” There was a rushing sound in his ears, trembling as he remembered the feeling of rough hands holding him down, his pleas falling on deaf ears until the doctor had managed to anesthetise him. “Hanzo! Hanzo look at me.” Slowly Angela’s voice broke through the memory, and he stared wide-eyed at her, breathing heavily as he came back to the present. He even lacked the energy to flinch when she reached out to grasp him by the shoulders and gently guide him back down against the pillows. Although he was relieved when she released him as quickly as possible, ashamed that he felt like that towards someone who was clearly only trying to help him, and he couldn’t stop the apology that crept out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” she scolded without heat, a sad smile tugging at her lips. “I should be the one apologising, I didn’t mean to drag up bad memories.” Hanzo shook his head, waving off an apology that he didn’t need or deserve. He had hidden this from all of them, lied to them even though he had promised that he wouldn’t. They had taken a risk inviting someone such as him to join them, and now he had done this, and his stomach twisted unpleasantly even as he forced himself to look at her once more.

“What will this mean for my p-place here…” He grimaced as his voice wavered, but there was no stopping it. At some point, this place and its ragtag group of members had become home, and the thought of losing that - especially because of his own actions…he swallowed thickly, unable to hold her gaze any longer and instead focusing on his hands which were toying nervously with the edge of the covers. “I…I am not who everyone thought I was, and…”

“While I wish that you had trusted us enough to let us help you before this,” Angela admitted, not so much out of hurt at the fact that he hadn’t trusted them, understanding why he hadn’t, but because all of this could have been avoided if he had come to her. She could have dealt with it before it had become this bad, and while it would still have come out, he wouldn’t be lying in her infirmary. “This…” She tilted her head towards his bandaged side.  “Does not change the fact that you are a member of Overwatch.” Any distrust that had once surrounded the archer had long since dissipated, he had proved himself again and again, and while he had lied to them it hadn’t been to endanger them, and she had no doubt that the others would see it the same way.

“But…I’m an omega…”

    She stiffened at the quiet words, hearing the anguish in his voice and her eyes narrowed. Just what had his family told him? There had been a time when that kind of attitude towards omegas had been widespread, but it had fallen by the wayside a long time ago, and not for the first time she found herself feeling something very close to hate for the Shimada clan. First Genji and now Hanzo… Pushing that thought away she drew herself up to her full height, waiting until his faze had hesitantly risen to meet hers before replying.

“That kind of thinking has never had any place in Overwatch.” She hesitated for a moment, seeing the doubt in his eyes and knowing that it would take more than that to convince him and making a decision she added softly. “In fact…Jack Morrison was an omega too, and he was made Strike Commander all the same.” It hadn’t been quite as simple as that, there had been some people who had argued against his appointment, some making the mistake of using his biology as a reason - their careers had ended fairly quickly afterwards, and Jack had been made Strike Commander all the same. It hurt to think back to those days, but it was worth it when she caught the brief hint of hope in the dark eyes before Hanzo was able to hide it completely, and she smiled to herself. It would take time to prove it beyond all doubt, but just the fact that her words had reached him was reassuring.

    There was still a lot that she needed to talk to him about. Now that cursed device was removed and safely disposed of he would have a lot of healing to do, and it wasn’t going to be easy. There was no way he could continue to take the Alpha Pheromones, and she intended to get McCree to check the archer’s room for any others so that wouldn’t be any temptation to try. Unfortunately, that meant that he was going to be unbalanced for a while as his body tried to sort out exactly what it was, and she knew that was possibly going to be the hardest thing for the intensely private man. Especially, as it was doubtful that he would be able to control his emotions during that time just the fact that he had been near tears during their conversation had proven that point. Even once his body had found a new equilibrium, he would be faced with learning to deal with being an omega as she suspected that he had never had a chance to do that, and her expression darkened once more before she took a calming breath. Being angry at a nearly extinct clan wasn’t going to do anyone any good, least of all her patient…

“We’ll talk some later,” she said softly, relieved that none of her anger had seeped through, because in his current state he might have mistakenly thought it was aimed at him. “Right now there are two men probably glaring holes in that door, do you want to see them?” She had promised that they could see him once she had spoken to him, but if he refused, then she would keep them out herself. The last thing he needed right now was to be overwhelmed, and for a moment she thought he was going to refuse, his arms creeping around his middle in an awkward self-hug, hindered by the drip that he was connected to, but then he sighed - a broken, shuddering noise before he nodded.

“Genji…” He whispered.  “I need to…speak to him first.” _I have to apologise…_

“All right,” she agreed softly, easily able to see the fear in his eyes. “But if it becomes too much, let us know.” She doubted that he would heed that suggestion, aware of how stubborn he could be, and she had a feeling that wasn’t going to change just because of the current situation. Still, she waited until he nodded in acknowledgement before heading for the door, not looking forward to telling McCree that he was going to have to wait.

**

    At some point, Genji had flipped his mask up while they waited to be allowed back in, offering McCree a rare glimpse of his face. The scars no longer gave him pause, but the pained expression and the darkness in his eyes did. It had been a very long time since he had seen that kind of expression on the younger man’s face and he hesitated for a moment before leaning forward.

“Did something else happen?” It was the first time he had ever seen Genji jump, and if it had been any other time he would have been rolling around with laughter, but today he just felt his concern spike, especially at the haunted look in the eyes that met his gaze.

“I…no,” Genji sighed shaking his head, before scowling. “Yes…I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure?”

“I realised just how much I missed, how much I was blind to back then,” Genji admitted, his gaze shifting to the infirmary door and he stared at it as though if he looked hard enough, he would be able to see through to Hanzo.  “What if…?”

“Don’t go there,” McCree cut him off straight away, meeting the narrowed eyes without hesitation and silencing the attempted protest before he reached out and rested a hand on the younger’s shoulder. “The past is the past, you’re the one that told me that, remember?” That had been back when Genji had desperately been trying to convince them to let his brother come to Overwatch, a battle that had been harder than it should have been because if Genji could forgive his would be killer, then who were they to disagree? Not that it had stopped them - and McCree had been one of the worst, something that left a wooden taste in his mouth now. Sighing he patted Genji on the shoulder again before slumping back in his chair as he added with a scowl. “Besides I reckon that brother of yours is going to have more than enough guilt to go around…”

    Genji let out a noise that sounded somewhat like a choked laugh at that observation, the noise bringing a wry twist to McCree’s lips, although it was devoid of any real humour because he had seen what Hanzo was like when he was blaming himself. Having lost count of the number of night watches that had been disturbed by the archer’s nightmares, or the number of times he had found Hanzo wandering the base in the early hours of the morning with a haunted expression and he had a feeling that was only going to get worse after all of this. They were silent after that, although it was marginally less awkward than it had been and it was only a few minutes later that it was broken by the welcome sound of the infirmary door opening. And they were both on their feet once more as Angela slipped out, any desire to demand answers fading when they took in the dark expression on her face.

“Doc…?” McCree asked finally once the door had closed again, getting the feeling that she didn’t want Hanzo to hear this bit and he was relieved when her expression shifted back towards its normal calm as she met his gaze.

“He wants to speak to Genji first,” she said glancing at Genji who looked surprised and suddenly reluctant, and McCree gave the younger man a small nudge forward, masking his disappointment behind a small grin.

“Go ahead.”

“Just be careful when speaking to him,” Angela warned softly, making them both glance at her in concern. “The removal of that device is going to leave him out of kilter for a while, and his emotions are being affected, and I won’t hesitate to kick you out of there if you stress him out.” The last bit was a clear threat, and Genji nodded to show his understanding, before squaring his shoulders and heading for the door and disappearing inside. “McCree…”

“You’re still not getting rid of me,” McCree cut her off with a weary grin, already moving back so that he could sink back into the chair. “I’ll wait my turn, but I want to see him. You can tell him that if the idiot doubts it.” Angela smiled at that, and he winked at her, relieved to see her looking brighter. Seeing her with that dark expression reminded him too much of losing his hand, and the fall of Overwatch - neither of which he particularly wanted to think about unless necessary, and he didn’t want to think about this situation in that light.

“You’re a good man Jesse McCree,” she murmured, and he snorted at her words, waving her off as she turned and followed Genji back into the infirmary, no doubt to make sure that the two Shimadas didn’t end up destroying her domain…

_A good friend maybe. A good man, not so much…_

**

    Genji had found himself hesitating just inside the infirmary, eyes fixated on the curtained off bed at the end. His thoughts were still a chaotic mess, and with Angela’s warning still echoing in his ears he was worried that he would say or do the wrong thing, and he couldn’t afford to that now, not when his brother was already so close to the edge.

“I know you’re there Genji.” Hanzo sounded nothing like himself, and the fragile tone and the sudden need to see his brother with his own eyes propelled him forwards, his steps silent as he crossed the room and slipped in between the curtains, coming up short at the sight of his brother. While it was a relief to see his eyes open and alert after seeing him so still earlier, he still looked like he could break at any second, weariness written across his face and Genji faltered again. “I’m not going to break,” Hanzo didn’t sound as though he believed his own words, and Genji sighed before moving closer, and settling on the edge of the bed although he was careful not to touch his brother, unable to forget how he had flinched away earlier.

“I know, but you came close this time.” _Too close,_ Angela hadn’t said it so bluntly, but he had been around her enough to know that she was only ever this worried when it had been a close call. His brother’s stubbornness had nearly killed him, and his expression darkened. “Hanzo…Brother, why didn’t you tell me?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

_“Hanzo…Brother, why didn’t you tell me?”_

    Hanzo had known that the questions were going to come and that there was no way for him to hide from them now. At least not without pushing his brother away, and he couldn’t do that, not now when they were finally repairing their relationship. Still, that question hit him hard, and he had to look away, breath catching in his chest as panic welled up. _Don’t tell anyone, this must never be known to anyone beyond those in this room._ His father’s voice echoed in his mind, just as it had every time he had ever contemplated telling someone the truth, only this time it was too late -the truth was already out.  He found himself trembling, even as he fought to calm himself, but his efforts only seemed to be making it worth, and he was aware of the fact that his breathing was speeding up, strained, wheezing reaching him through the strange numbness that was creeping over him. _Don’t tell…but it’s too late…don’t tell…it’s too late…_

“HANZO!”  Genji’s voice suddenly broke through the numbness, but Hanzo’s focus was on the hand on his shoulder. He knew that his brother wouldn’t hurt him, he knew that with his secret out there was no need to obey old rules, and yet he flinched away with a panicked cry.

“Don’t touch me!” He hated the way Genji flinched at his words, and his own emotions were churning, anger seeping in. Anger that his brother had touched him, anger that he had flinched away from something that he knew wouldn’t hurt. The anger was short-lived though, old instincts kicking in and he huddled in on himself despite the pain it caused, broken, choked apologies falling from his lips, and now he wasn’t even sure who he was apologising to, or what he was apologising for. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

    Genji had frozen, appalled at his shout, flinching at the words and immediately wrenching his hand back. He hadn’t wanted to touch him in the first place, but Hanzo hadn’t been responding, and the harsh wheezing breaths had scared him. But those words…

_“Don’t touch me!” Hanzo screamed at him, shoving him away and practically scuttling away from him and Genji froze, mouth dropping open in horror as he took in the fear in the dark eyes that were trying to focus on anything but him. It had been the first time he had managed to get his brother on his own since his return, he didn’t understand why, but every moment they were together was monitored by their trainers, their father, the guards and it had been driving him up the wall. Which was why he had waited until it was late before scaling the wall to slip into his brother’s room, unsurprised to find the older teen wide awake. Naively he had hoped that now they were alone things would be the way they used to be, and he had flung himself at Hanzo for a hug, and he had no idea what had gone wrong._

_“Hanzo…?”_

_“You can’t touch me,” Hanzo didn’t sound like himself, in fact, he sounded more like he was talking to himself, than answering Genji’s question and it scared him. Too much was changing and he didn’t understand it, and he scowled before taking a step forward, intending to demand answers only to find himself freezing at the flinch that met his movement. Something dark, and unpleasant pooling in his stomach when he realised that Hanzo was scared of him._

 Genji swallowed thickly - he had stormed out after that, hurt and angry and more than a little frightened about what could have happened to his brother. But he had left, leaving Hanzo to deal with whatever was going on all by himself. He hadn’t understood what was going on, he hadn’t been anywhere close to guessing what was happening, but he had left Hanzo alone. The guilt that had been growing all afternoon was rising once more, but he pushed it aside as he realised his brother was still whispering apologies under his breath, and he closed his eyes. Angela had warned him that Hanzo’s emotions were all over the place, but this was worse than he had expected - far worse, and he had no idea if he could help, but he wasn’t leaving him alone, not this time.

“Hanzo,” he called softly, aching to reach out and hug him but sternly quashing the urge, he had a feeling that one more mistake like that would push Hanzo over an edge that they might not be able to bring him from. Instead, he settled for resting his hand a short distance from his brother.  “Hush brother, you’re safe here. You’re safe here.” _Please stop apologising, not when there is so much I should be apologising for…_

    At first, there was no sign that the older man had heard him, the whispered apologies continuing in the same, frantic, broken tone that tugged at him and he quietly, gently repeated his words, over and over. He was just beginning to think that it was no good and that he was going to need to get Angela to help when the whispers stuttered to a halt, cut off by a noise that was halfway between a sob and whine and his fingers tightened in the covers. _Brother…_ Hanzo’s head was still bowed, preventing him from getting a good look at his brother’s expression, but he seemed to be staring at nothing, and Genji worried at his bottom lip, vents opening and closing in response to his nervousness, the soft hissing sounding deafening in the sudden silence that had fallen. Hanzo tensed at the noise, slowly lifting his head, dark eyes darting nervously too him.

“Genji…?”

“Yes,” Genji wished that he was capable of making his voice softer because Hanzo sounded so small, so close to breaking he was terrified of even breathing wrong. However, his brother seemed to have relaxed slightly at the confirmation and taking a deep breath he dared continue. “Are you back with me?”

“I-I think so…” Hanzo whispered. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologise.” _Please,_ Genji cut him off before he could go further, sighing at the look of confusion on Hanzo’s face. _What did they do to you? What happened back then to make you like this?_ The questions were there on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t sure that he had the heart to voice them, not when Hanzo was already like this. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I… we can talk about this later if it would be easier?” He didn’t want to wait. He wanted answers so that he could begin working out how to fix this, how to make amends for everything that he realised he had been blind to when they were younger. For a moment, he thought that Hanzo was going to agree, relief flashing through the dark eyes at the suggestion but then Hanzo sighed and slowly shook his head.

“If I don’t do it now, I might never do it,” he admitted softly.  “It’s just, it-it’s been a secret for a long time, a secret that I couldn’t share, and now…”

“Hanzo…”

“It’s okay.” _It’s not,_ Genji wanted to say, hearing the weariness in those words and taking in the huddled position and the slight tremors wracking his brother. _It’s not okay…_ Instead, he shifted back slightly to give his brother a little more room.

“At least sit up a little, I would hate for you to undo Angela’s hard work,” he pleaded, not liking to think how much pressure that position must be putting on Hanzo’s surgery wound. “She’s terrifying when you mess with her healing.”

“Speaking from experience?” Hanzo asked, sounding a little more like himself and Genji was pleased to see his expression evening out a little as he unfolded. It was probably the least of their problems at the moment, but if he had managed to ease his brother’s discomfort even a little, then it was a good thing.

“I am the perfect patient,” he replied haughtily, smiling when his reply startled a watery chuckle from his brother. “Although I’m sure she would say otherwise…” He knew that she would. He’d never been good at laying around in bed, and that had never changed, even when he had first been adapting to his cyborg body, he had constantly been trying to escape her care, and he shuddered at the memory of her anger and the time she had…  He shook his head to clear the memory, refocusing on Hanzo, noting that the lighter conversation had relaxed him a little, although the tension as seeping back in as silence settled between them. “Brother…”

“I was forbidden from telling you or mother,” Hanzo cut him off, carefully not looking at him, pain flashing across his face. “In fact, only father, the doctor who…” He gestured at his side, not ready to go into the details of what had happened that day - the memory of being held down flashing through his mind once more, and he shuddered, before adding quietly. “And a couple of the Elders knew the truth.”

“Why?” Hanzo threw his brother a dirty look, did he really need to ask that? But then his expression softened as he realised that Genji was merely trying to prompt him to continue, and he sighed, hands clutched together in his lap as he allowed memories that he had worked so hard to keep buried for years to rise up.

_He hadn’t known what was happening. He had heard tales of omegas and heats, but he had never paid them any mind because he was the Shimada heir, he was going to be an alpha. He had to be an alpha. When his first heat had started, he hadn’t understood, just thinking it was a bad presentation. He had heard of alphas going through a bad rut at the start, and he had convinced himself that was all that it was, until his father and a doctor had arrived. He had known at once that something was wrong because his father had never looked at him like that before - with such disappointment, anger and something that had taken him days to identify as disgust._

_They hadn’t even explained what was happening, ignoring his frightened questions and seemingly uncaring about the cramps and fever wracking his body as he was hustled through the compound. A stinging slap to his cheek stopping the whines that he hadn’t even been aware he was making. The fact that he had been struck and by his father leaving him in stunned silence until he had found himself being shoved into a small room and ordered to stay put and not make a sound._

_He had no idea how long he had been left in there. All he had known was that fever had risen to dizzying heights and that he wanted comfort -he wanted human touch, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from crying out with relief when his father had returned with the doctor. His relief had been short-lived…_

_In a terse, clipped voice he had finally been told what was happening to him - that he was an omega, a disgrace to the Shimada name. Through the cloud of his heat, he had thought that was it, that he was going to be disowned, shame sending him to his knees. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he was the heir, he was supposed to be an alpha._

_He had to be an alpha._

     Hanzo took a shuddering breath, feeling his eyes stinging and he swiped at them, not looking at Genji as he fought to get himself back under control. He knew that this was largely due to the loss of the implant, and the fact that his body was trying to sort itself out - to return to normal, if it could remember what normal was, but he hated it. Hated the fact that he couldn’t deal with this without the same detachment that he had perfected years ago, and he felt himself hunching in on himself ago, needing to feel slightly shielded from his brother’s gaze.

“Did…Did they ask before they…?” Genji couldn’t put it into words either, tilting his head towards the bandage he could just see from where the covers had slipped down. He was struggling to keep his voice as calm as possible, anger threatening to bubble up. The thought of his brother not knowing what was happening and being faced with their father’s anger and disappointment - that was an expression that he had become well acquainted with when he became rebellious, but he had deserved it. Hanzo had been struggling with heat, it had been simple biology, not something he had chosen and yet…

“No…”  Hanzo whispered, a bitter laugh welling up. “I was still trying to understand what was going on, and what I was.” Genji’s heart ached at the disgust that he heard in that last bit, and he opened his mouth intending to say something – anything, to get rid of that tone, but Hanzo was continuing, and he had a feeling that if he stopped him now, he might not be able to continue. “They didn’t even tell me what they were going to do, not until…until…”

“Hanzo…”

“They were just going on and on about how they needed an Alpha heir if the clan was to continue - that a beta couldn’t do it,” Hanzo grimaced, shooting a worried, apologetic look at Genji who merely shrugged. He had never expected to be considered for the clan leadership, especially as nearly everyone had expected him to present as omega. “That aside from this ‘problem’ I was a perfect heir. It was only when I was in the doctor’s operating room when they…were holding me down.” He shuddered again, and Genji noticed that he had begun to stroke the back of his hands to try and comfort himself, and he growled under his breath. He wanted to help, but all he could do was sit and listen and add to the list of things he had missed when they were younger, trying not to show just how much the thought of his brother being held down, no doubt frightened beyond belief made him want to snarl and lash out. “That they told me what they were doing…that they were going to make me an alpha…”

     That was it. Genji had to get up off the bed and move a short distance away, not trusting himself at the moment and unwilling to do anything to frighten his brother, hands clenching into fists at his side, feeling his dragon stirring restlessly. _They dared…_

“Hanzo…” It came out terse and clipped, drawing a tiny flinch from his brother, but he didn’t falter because he had to know. He had to know just how bad this was. “If you had been given a choice, would you have chosen to have the implant?”

“I…”

“What did you want back then?”

“I…” Hanzo was frozen, head bowed once more as he stared down at his hands, the gentle stroking from earlier now increasingly frantic and Genji could hear his breathing speeding up again, but he had to know. “No…” It was barely audible, little more than a breath of sound, but to Genji, it was deafening, and he couldn’t stop the angry snarl that rose to his lips. _They dared…_ “I-I tried to stop them,” Hanzo continued, still barely audible, shame colouring his voice now, and Genji hated the fact that it was probably two-pronged, shame for fighting against what their father and the clan had wanted, and shame that he hadn’t been able to fight for what he wanted. “I tried…”

     _They were going to operate, they were going to change what he was. A part of him, the part that had been trained from a young age to be the perfect heir was ready to agree, to accept his fate in the hope that his father would look at him with fondness and pride once more. However, a larger part of him had baulked at the idea, terror flooding him and he had fought. It had been fruitless - his heat had rendered him weak and disorientated, and his opponents had been set on their course of action…rough hands holding him in place, the sharp prick of a needle and then darkness, and when he had woken a couple of hours later it was too late…_

      Genji was furious. He had known…. he had known that this was going to be the case from the moment that Angela had told them what was wrong with his brother because he knew the Shimada clan, knew how far they were willing to go for what they considered ‘right’. He was living proof of that, but hearing it, hearing the words…hearing his brother sound so broken and seeing the memories as they played out across his face, his usual expressionless mask lost because of the current situation was a thousand times worse. However, he could see that his anxious pacing and tension was making Hanzo nervous and he sighed, taking a deep breath as he tried to calm himself down. At least temporarily, so that they could continue and slowly he moved back towards the bed.

“I would have helped you if I had known. I would have…” He had no idea what he would have done, back then he had been just as powerless, but he would have done something, anything to at least ease the situation. “You could have…”

“NO!” Hanzo shouted, and it was clear he was just as startled by the outburst as Genji was, shifting uneasily for a moment before glancing down. “I couldn’t tell you. It was forbidden, and it was enforced…the same with the hugs, the touching…”

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t allowed to touch anyone after that, because they feared it would encourage my omega tendencies despite the implant and medication…” Hanzo murmured, and Genji bit back a growl, remembering the fear that had greeted any attempt he’d made to touch his brother, and his heart ached. Just what had they done to enforce that habit to the point that it had made his brother flinch away from the slightest contact even now? “I hated it. I missed it…” Hanzo was staring at his hands again, fingers clenching as though imagining reaching out to touch something or someone, and then he glanced up, dark eyes anguished as he added softly.  “And I could see it was hurting you…”

“Hanzo…”

“You don’t remember do you?” There was no blame in the dark eyes watching him, but Genji still felt fresh guilt settling on him as he shook his head in confusion. “It was about a month after I was allowed to return to the main compound, and you had been climbing and fallen badly, and I rushed to you. I thought you were dead, you were so still…” Genji’s eyes narrowed, memory stirring, and along with it a feeling of dread. “But you were just winded. It was a miracle really, and I hugged you…”

_He had been trying to see if he could get around the entire compound without touching the floor once. He was supposed to be practising, but he had figured that if he was using the skills they had been teaching him, it could count. He had nearly made it as well when a slate had come lose beneath his foot, and there just hadn’t been time to correct himself before he fell. He had slammed into the ground, winding himself completely and he had just laid there stunned, not sure if the lack of serious pain was a good or bad sign, and he had just been trying to convince himself to move when Hanzo appeared in his line of sight. His brother’s expression had been full of fear and panic, and more open than it had been for months, and a moment later, when the older teen had realised he was fine, he had been pulled into a tight hug._

_It had felt like coming home, and he had clung to his brother, relishing the contact that had been denied for so long. He’d tightened his arms when he'd felt Hanzo trying to pull away a moment later, and Hanzo had slumped against him after a weak struggle. And then…_

“I remember…they pulled you away from me,” Genji whispered, feeling sick as he remembered the fear in Hanzo’s eyes, the frantic apologies. He hadn’t understood, but he had forgotten about it a short while later, because his teacher had descended on him in a fit of rage, and he had been subject to a long, seemingly endless rant about how he needed to train, and that he was going to be punished. He had protested, argued that he had been using his skills, so it counted as practice, but it hadn’t worked, he had still been ordered into the main hall to face his punishment, and his stomach churned as he met Hanzo’s eyes. “It wasn’t me they were punishing…was it?”

“No…”

_“I won’t forget again. Please,” Hanzo pleaded, fighting to get through the guards keeping him out of the room, eyes stinging as he heard Genji crying out with pain again. He knew that his words were going to fall on deaf ears, but still, he had to try. “Please don’t punish him for my error. Please…” There was no softening of their expression, no relenting, and when he had tried to leave, he had been trapped, forced to listen to his brother’s cries. The sound imprinting itself on his memory, and he had sworn there and then that he would become the perfect alpha, the perfect heir…_

“Hanzo…”

“I did it. I did everything they wanted, I pushed you away…I pushed mother away…” Hanzo wasn’t looking at him, talking more to himself than Genji this time, hands twisted together, nails biting into his skin as he shivered. “But it wasn’t enough…” Genji had a sinking feeling in his stomach at those words, and cautiously he settled on the edge of the bed, hesitating for a moment, they had already dragged up so much. Too much - he could see it in the eyes that skittered towards him for a minute. But he couldn’t forget his realisations from earlier, his conversation with Angela flashing through his mind, and he leant forward, gently tapping his fingers on the bed to draw Hanzo’s attention, waiting for the older man to focus on him once more.

“That’s why they ordered you to kill me, wasn’t it?”

 


	4. Chapter 4

“That’s why they ordered you to kill me, wasn’t it?”

   Hanzo felt his breath hitch at the question, and he squeezed his eyes shut, hunkering defensively in on himself. _No, don’t ask me about that. Don’t ask about that…_ He knew that his reaction would be enough of an answer for his brother, and he managed to collect himself just enough to shake his head, voice wavering as he gripped the covers.

“This has nothing to do with that.” _Please, just leave it alone_. Talking about what happened back then was always painful, a topic that they both skittered around at the best of times. _Please._ Right now, with other memories stirring, ones that were just as painful and that he had buried even more deeply than he had the memories of that fateful night, he couldn’t stomach the thought about talking it. Not on top of everything else, and he held his breath, silently willing his brother to agree not to broach the topic.

“Hanzo…” Genji murmured, pained by the reaction. Usually, whenever he tried to raise the topic of what had happened back then, he was greeted with a blank expression, all emotions disappearing beneath a forced mask of calmness.  That was bad enough, reminding him too much of the Hanzo who had loomed over him that night, but this was worse, and he found himself faltering. However, Hanzo’s earlier words played through his mind, and he knew that if he backed away now, they would never get through this and he leant in as close as he dared, fingers gripping the covers a short distance from Hanzo’s knee. The closest he could get to touching him at the moment. “Hanzo. Brother… Please, I spoke to Angela earlier…” He knew it was dangerous to admit that, aware of how private his brother was and the lack of response to those words worried him more than anything, and he sighed, longing to reach out properly but forcing the urge back. “She said that it was possible that the implant and pheromones were in conflict back then, that you…”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Hanzo cut him off, tone sharp in a way it hadn’t been for a long time, and completely at odds with the anguished expression on his face. There was anger, but it was turned inwards, as was the guilt and grief that followed. “I still held the blade. I still tried to kill you and nearly succeeded. I’m…” _The reason you’re like this…_

“Hanzo!” Genji cut him off, hearing the hysterical edge that was beginning to seep into his voice and cursing under his breath as he recalled Angela’s warning not to upset his brother, thankfully his tone seemed to have been enough to startle Hanzo into falling quiet, and he hastily continued in a soft voice. “It does change things.” _It could change everything_ , was what he wanted to say, but he had a feeling that would be way too much for his brother to handle right then. “You were a mess that day, I could see it, but I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t understand…but I want to understand.” _I need to understand_. He had blamed his brother for so long, hated him for what had happened. Sure, he had forgiven him too, but the memories remained, and the thought that he had been wrong all that time. That there might have been something more at play left a bitter taste in his mouth. Hanzo had stilled at his words, staring at him with wide eyes, blank mask splintered as he waited…wavering and Genji softened his voice even further as he tried to push just a little harder. “Brother…”

_“I…”_

_“No.” The refusal had slipped out before he had even thought about it, and he had immediately felt the atmosphere in the room shift. It had been a long time since he’d felt comfortable around the Elders, especially as the news about his ‘status’ had been shared after his father’s death, all in the name of protecting the clan of course. He’d felt it all - the judging stares, the sense that they were waiting for him to stumble and give in to his true nature, but this was worse, and it took everything he had not too hunch in on himself._

_On the surface, he wanted to lash out, to fight back against the stares, the judgement, the Alpha pheromones stirring up a desire to fight that had nothing to do with him. But beneath all that he wanted to bow his head, to avoid the conflict that was coming. To protect his family, to protect Genji… to protect his little brother, and even as his lips trembled, he lifted his head. “I can’t. No, I won’t kill my brother.” He wasn’t even sure if he had the right to sound so protective of Genji anymore. After all, in his attempts to be the perfect heir and to protect his brother from the hell that had befallen him, he had pushed the younger man away until they had become little more than strangers._

_But he still wanted to protect him._

_He had glanced away, needing to focus on shoring up his resolve and trying as always to control the contrasting instincts flooding him. Which was why he was caught by surprise when the command slammed into him, making him fall to his knees under the sheer force of it, a startled noise that was a little too close to a whimper slipping free as he tried to catch himself. It wasn’t the first time he’d felt the force of the clan’s orders. An Alpha command that went beyond anything a single Alpha could issue, reinforced by the power of the dragons, to the point where his own were powerless to protect him, and even the pheromones pumping through his body offered him no protection. After all, he was only an omega in disguise, and he could already feel his resolve crumbling beneath the overwhelming force of it._

_“You will do this to protect the clan. To protect your own future.” It was always about the clan, he thought grasping at the ground, breath coming in sharp pants as he tried to fight off the command even though he knew it was useless. Alpha commands could always be refused if the omega was determined enough, but he was too used to bowing to them, and even if he wasn’t cowed by them, he couldn’t fight the dragons. He wasn’t strong enough._

_“No...” He whispered, but he was already lowering his head in defeat, hating himself…hating the clan…hating Genji for acting out and bringing the clan’s wrath down on his head, even as fear clawed at his stomach, bitter tears stinging in the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want to hurt his brother._

_Genji_ …

“I could have fought them harder. I should have fought harder.” Hanzo added, voice barely above a whisper now and he was determinedly not looking at Genji, hands clutched together as he bowed his head. It was a thought that had haunted him from the moment he had lowered his head that day. What if he’d fought them harder? Or even if he had held out just a little longer that day? If he had fought the order long enough to warn Genji, to tell him to flee?

Everything could’ve been different...

   Genji had been frozen in his seat, disgust and fury warring for control as he tried to imagine how it must’ve felt for Hanzo back then. He had been subjected to the same commands many times, but they had never taken hold, partly because of his Beta status, and partly because he had never seen eye to eye with the Clan and never wanted to bow to them. Apart from when he was very young and hadn’t known any better, there had never been a part of him that wanted to cling to the family beyond his brother, and their mother before her death and so he had been able to fight the commands. _But Hanzo…_ His stomach clenched. Omegas were no weaker than the others, and his brother’s will had been strong, scarily strong. The Hanzo he had grown up with would have fought that command and won, but after what their father…their family had done to him, that strength had been stripped from him, broken into pieces in the cruellest way imaginable. He growled under his breath, wishing he had never asked but knowing that they needed to get this out in the open now.

   He took a deep breath, vents whooshing as he struggled to drag up some of Zenyatta’s calming exercises that he had used over the years, but it was no good, he was too agitated right now. It didn’t help that he could feel his Dragon stirring under his skin, sharing his anger over what had been done to Hanzo, to him, but also enraged by the thought of the Dragons being used in such a way. He awkwardly twisted his arm behind him, brushing his fingers across the armour hiding his tattoo and trying to soothe it, feeling it settling a little at the touch before turning his gaze back to his brother and cursing. Hanzo had paled, his eyes which were fixed doggedly on his lap were now glistening, but what really alarmed him was the sight of his brother’s hands clenched tightly in his lap, fingers clenched so tightly that his nails were leaving bloody furrows in his palms.

“Stop that!” Genji reached out without thinking, unable to bear the sight of his brother hurting himself over this, not after everything he had already suffered. He trapped Hanzo’s fingers with his own and refusing to let go even when he felt the violent flinch that greeted the touch. “Hanzo, look at me!” It came out more strongly than he intended, anger and concern adding to the volume and he felt Hanzo jumping again, but slowly, achingly slowly his brother lifted his head to stare at him, fear prominent as his gaze jumped between where Genji was still holding onto him and his brother’s face.

“L-Let go, please…”

“Only if you promise not to hurt yourself again,” Genji demanded, not sure whether he trusted the quick nod that followed, but he could feel Hanzo getting tenser by the moment, and he was reluctant to push the issue. Even if this was the longest he had been able to hold his brother for in years. “Sorry, I couldn’t let you hurt yourself,” he explained, reluctantly releasing Hanzo and sternly quashing the flicker of hurt at the speed at which Hanzo retracted his hands, although he was relieved when the older man let them lie limply in the safety of his lap. “Hanzo…”

   Hanzo wanted to ignore him, exhaustion both mental and physical washing over him, but he couldn’t refuse Genji, not now… Not when they were talking about something that by all rights Genji should still hate him for, and yet there was nothing in the scarred face to suggest he felt anything of the sort. There was anger, but Hanzo knew it wasn’t directed at him. It was the same, bone-deep anger he had felt from the day they’d put the implant into him. Always there, always hidden and even now he didn’t know how to express it or how to resolve it. It was easier to face his own guilt, than to deal with those other emotions. Sighing he refocused on Genji, gaze slowly tracing the scars that he had created all those years ago, eyes stinging again and he had to fight to stop his fingers from creeping towards one another, the urge to claw at himself rising again.

_I did this to him…_

_I did this…I did this…. I did…_

“Hanzo!” Genji’s sharp voice drew him back to the present, and he blinked wearily at him, focusing on him reluctantly, not sure what to make of the pained expression that greeted him this time. “You were fighting them, weren’t you?”

“No…I…”

“I saw it,” Genji cut off the weak protest, knowing that if he didn’t then, he would never get through to his brother. It had always been that way, as soon as Hanzo had something in his head it was a battle and a half to get through to him. His words had succeeded in silencing the older man, startled dark eyes staring at him and he didn’t know if it was himself trying to see something that wasn’t there, or if Hanzo was trying to reach out, but there was hope in the depths of his brother’s eyes. And again he let his hand come to rest as close to Hanzo as he dared. “I didn’t understand what was going on, but I saw it…”

_He was on the ground, fire lancing across his face and through his limbs, his body refusing to listen to his commands any longer. His sword was lying cracked and just out of reach, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at it, and not just because he knew there was no way for him to reach it in time. Instead, his darkening vision was focused on the figure looming over him. Hanzo. Whatever anger had been present earlier had disappeared. Instead, it looked like his brother was about to burst into tears at any moment, and when Genji managed to get his eyes to focus properly, he could see that Hanzo was trembling. That he was shaking to the point where it looked as though he might collapse, and his breath caught in his throat, heart hammering painfully in chest. Brother, you don’t want to do this?_

_“Hanzo…” He pleaded weakly, not sure if his brother could even hear his voice at this point, or what good it would do when they had already come this far. Even if could convince Hanzo to show him mercy, the Elders were unlikely to rescind the order for his death. If anything he was going to put his brother in danger, but he was scared and in pain, and just for a moment he wanted to know that someone still wanted him to live. “Please…”_

_“I…” The sword that had been pointing at his chest wavered, something he had never seen from Hanzo before. Even back in the early days when they were still learning to deal with using their weapons on living targets, Hanzo had been the steady one, never faltering and hope rose in his chest._

_“Please…” Please just tell me that you don’t want to do this…_

_“I’m sorry…” It was barely a breath of noise, a whimper and whisper all wrapped into one and the pain in the dark eyes made him falter for a minute. He couldn’t understand why Hanzo was doing this, why he wasn’t fighting it if he didn’t agree with it. Why he was standing there, ready to carry out the Clan’s orders, when there was conflict written so plainly across his face. He wasn’t given a chance to question it any further, a shout from the spectators, too quick for his slowing mind to follow rang out and as he watched Hanzo stiffened. He caught a brief glimpse of raw anguish in the dark, and then he was faced with the cool mask that he had come to hate so much. The distance that had sprung up between them years ago seeping into the space between them once and the tiny spark of hope died there and then._

_This was the clan leader, the perfect heir. This wasn’t his brother. He had lashed out in pain and fear then as defeat washed over him, screaming that he hated his brother. That he would never forgive him for this, and his final glimpse of Hanzo had been of tears finally beginning to trickle down his brother’s cheeks._

   Genji took a shuddering breath, even now it was hard to think back to that day. He had long since accepted what had happened and the roles they had played that day, but now that was being torn asunder, and he could no longer summon the calmness he had learnt to embrace when dealing with the past.

“But, I didn’t tell you…I just…” _I let you think that I wanted to kill you, that I wanted you dead_. Hanzo couldn’t get his voice together enough to form a coherent sentence right then, everything was too much – the past, the present… the memories and guilt. He just wanted to curl up and forget about everything, past and present. To pretend that none of this had happened, to block out Genji’s attempts to excuse his part in what had happened back then. _I did this…._

“You were fighting it,” Genji argued. “I know you Hanzo, I had sparred against you for years. If you had truly wanted me dead that day, I would have been dead long before that point.” That was something he had realised a long time ago, back when Zenyatta was guiding him through looking back on those events with a calm mind. Hanzo had destroyed much stronger opponents in seconds and without receiving a single scratch, but Genji knew that his blade had struck home more than once during their fight. “But it wasn’t just that. It was there in your eyes, in your expression. You were hurting, and I could see it…”

_Hanzo wanted to scream, to weep…to stop. He wanted to do anything but what he was doing right now, his fingers tightening around his sword even as it wavered from his target, Genji’s desperate plea echoing in his ears. Everything felt like it was being torn in two. He didn’t want to hurt Genji, his little brother, his family. The suppressed omega instincts to protect family screaming at him, but it was muted, barely audible over the Elder’s order which had been humming constantly in his mind from the moment it was issued and the roar of his fake Alpha instincts. His breath caught as he met Genji’s gaze for a moment, heart aching as he saw the pain and fear in his brother’s gaze, emotions that he’d put there._

_“I’m sorry…” That wasn’t what he wanted to say, but the words he wanted wouldn’t come and instead he held Genji’s gaze, willing his brother to understand. Praying that he would hear the words he couldn’t say aloud._

_Genji, please get up and run…_

   Hanzo had to look away, unable to hold Genji’s gaze any longer, unable to bear the sympathy, the understanding, the love in the brown eyes. The same eyes as the ones that had met his gaze all those years ago, a low noise, somewhere between a sob and an apology escaping as he huddled in on himself. _Don’t look at me like that. I don’t deserve those emotions…_

_I did this…._

“I’m so sorry, brother.” It took a moment for the quiet words to register over the sound of his racing thoughts and for a moment he froze, unable to believe what he had just heard, hands clenching against the covers balling in his lap. “Hanzo.” Genji’s fingers brushed his knee, making him flinch and involuntarily lift his head to look at him once more. “I’m sorry.”

“W-why?”

“I knew something was wrong,” Genji replied softly, closing his eyes as he thought back to everything that had happened leading up to that fateful day. All the clues that had passed him by, because he had been too caught up in his rebellion, in blaming his brother from slipping away from him. “All that time I knew that something was wrong, but I gave up of finding the answers. And worse than that I lashed out, and in the end, you were the one to pay the price.” He knew that much of the blame lay with their family, with their father and the Elders, and even their mother to some extent because while she hadn’t always agreed with the Shimada traditions she had rarely spoken out against them, but still… _I missed so much_.

“No…” Hanzo shook his head. It had been hard enough to even contemplate accepting Genji’s forgiveness for what he had done before all this, let alone now that he knew all the facts. He was the one who should be apologising, that fact hadn’t changed, and he opened his mouth to say just that, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, a sob welled up and there was nothing he could do to hold back the broken sound, or the next or the next, and in sheer desperation, he buried his face in his hands as he felt tears on his cheeks.

   Genji hadn’t been expecting this, even though he had known that his brother was close to the edge and with Angela’s warning still ringing in his ears and he faltered, not knowing what to do, or even if he should do anything. Hanzo had kept everything hidden away behind masks and barriers for so long, that maybe this was necessary, after all, there was only so much that you could keep bottled up inside. Something he had learned the hard way. However, he doubted that his brother would see it that way, knowing that if Hanzo had his way, he would keep everything bottled up for eternity, and he knew that this shattering was going to be hard to bear.

     Still, he longed to reach out and draw his brother into a hug, much as Hanzo had always done for him when they were younger, and Genji was the one sobbing his eyes out over his latest accident or punishment. But he knew that he was the only one who would be comforted by that, and he shifted uneasily as Hanzo’s sobbing increased. Hating that even now, with the secrets laid bare between them, he was still on the outside. Still unable to help, and he couldn’t stop himself from speaking, from trying to reach Hanzo in some way. “Brother…” A broken whimper greeted his voice, and he could longer fight the urge to reach out and offer comfort, cautiously letting his hand come to rest on Hanzo’s shoulder. His brother flinched as always at the touch, but for once he made no effort to escape the gentle touch. Instead, after a moment he actually seemed to lean ever so gently into the touch and Genji had to close his eyes for a moment, overwhelmed by the simple gesture of trust.

_Hanzo…_

**

   It was a long time before Hanzo cried himself out, too many years of holding back his emotions, their conversation and the shifting state of his body’s chemicals leaving him utterly defenceless before the storm of feelings. And it was only the gentle hand resting on his shoulder that stopped him from being washed away completely, even as the soft touch made his skin crawl, a small part of him waiting for the other shoe to drop. Bracing himself for the punishment that had always met the slightest hint of a touch. It never came, and slowly his tears slowed, the sobs fading away to the odd tremor that wracked his body. Leaving him feeling strangely empty and exhausted, and it was almost a relief to let Genji guide him back against the pillows when he finally let his hand fall away from his face.

“Are you all right?” Genji asked, fingers brushing his shoulder as he finally removed his hand and Hanzo hated the relief he felt at the loss of contact, even as he tried to take stock of how he felt right then. Numb, empty…exhausted, he thought as he felt sleep tugging at the edges of his consciousness, and sore, he added, realising that his side was beginning to burn something fierce again. Something of that must’ve have shown in his expression because Genji immediately straightened, studying him with a scowl, before turning away to call for assistance. “Angela!” Hanzo was left frowning, wondering just how open his expression was at the moment for Genji to have read him so easily, and how he was going to get it back under control, hating the feeling of being of being exposed. Seeking something to distract himself he glanced at his brother, blinking as he realised that Genji’s face also bore the evidence of tears and frowning.

“Genji. I…”

“Don’t,” Genji cut him off gently, shaking his head when Hanzo still tried to continue despite the fact that he was visibly drooping now. “You’ve dealt with enough for today, and we have all the time in the world to continue this conversation.” He jolted slightly at his own words, and he caught the way his brother’s eyes widened as well before offering him a small smile. “We can…”

   He was cut off by Angela bustling across to them, a small frown creasing her forehead as she glanced between them, noting the reddened eyes they both bore and the tear tracks on Hanzo’s face and Genji winced as he caught her disapproving glance. He really wasn’t looking forward to his next trip to the infirmary after seeing that expression, and he knew from experience that she wouldn’t just forget about it. Switching her attention to Hanzo, she moved to the side of the bed, her frown disappearing to be replaced by concern although she made no effort to reach out for him.

“I think that’s enough for today,” her voice was soft as she studied him, experienced eyes taking in the signs of pain in his expression and darting down to the bandages to make sure he hadn’t pulled his stiches, relieved to see the material was clean. “You’re due for some more pain medication and then I want you to sleep, there’s a lot we need to talk about tomorrow, and you need to rest.”

   Hanzo frowned, not liking to think about what else they needed to talk about even though he could guess at some of him, and part of him was tempted to just get it over with, but he was struggling to keep his eyes open at this point. However, as much as sleep sounded incredibly tempting at this moment, he remembered something else she had told him earlier and he forced himself to sit up, attempting to look slightly more alert than he felt.

“Can I see McCree first?” To be honest, his stomach was churning at the mere thought of facing the Cowboy, especially now that McCree knew the truth about him, and knew that he had been lying from the start. From the look Angela had given him when she first arrived, he was also aware that he was probably a mess after his meltdown, not something he had ever wanted McRee to see, but he couldn’t just leave him hanging. “Just for a moment…” He added with a hint of pleading when he saw her doubtful expression, and he wanted to groan as she exchanged a quick glance with his brother. Just how much was his expression showing at the moment?

“Just for a moment,” she conceded after a moment, eyes softening as she remembered McCree’s words from earlier, relieved that she didn’t need to reassure him that the Cowboy wanted to see him, but that didn’t stop her from adding sternly. “And then you are going to rest.”

“Agreed.”

“I’ll go and fetch him,” Genji said softly, rising to his feet and trying to hide a small smile at the fact that his brother had actually asked for the Cowboy. If he had been honest, he had thought that Hanzo was going to try and hide from McCree after everything that had happened, but he knew better than to voice that thought aloud. “I will see you in the morning.” Hanzo looked like he wanted to protest, before he glanced across at Angela and hunching in on himself and giving a tiny nod, and this time Genji didn’t hide his smile. “I will be here first thing,” he promised and Hanzo seemed to relax slightly at that, and Genji patted the side of the bed, deciding that his brother had probably endured more than enough physical contact already today, before nodding to Angela and heading for the door.

**

   McCree had taken to pacing backwards and forwards across the corridor once more, barely resisting the urge to stick his head into the infirmary to see what was happening. It was only the thought that Hanzo might not want to see him after everything had happened, and the knowledge that Genji had a lot to talk to his brother about that had helped him resist the urge. It didn’t make it any easier to wait though. Which was why he nearly gave himself whiplash with the speed at which he turned towards the infirmary when the door creaked open once more, coming to a halt as Genji slipped out, eyes narrowing as he took in the evidence of tears on his friend’s face.

“Genji?”

“Sorry,” Genji muttered as he caught McCree’s expression, reaching up to swipe a hand across his face to remove the evidence of his tears. “We had a lot to talk about, and not all of it was pleasant.” McCree had a feeling that very little of it had been pleasant, but there was something in the younger man’s usually open expression that told him not to pry at the moment, and so he settled for an understanding nod, before turning hopeful eyes towards the door and tilting his head towards it.

“Can I…?” He had told Angela that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he wanted to see Hanzo, but he knew the doctor would put her patient’s feelings first and that it would ultimately be up to her whether he got to step foot inside or not.

“Hanzo wants to see you, but it’ll have to be a short visit,” Genji cautioned. “He… It was not a pleasant conversation, we dragged up a lot of memories, some of which that might have been better left buried. Please…”

“I’ll be careful,” McCree promised, and Genji seemed to relax at his words, inclining his head in thanks before reaching up to flip his mask back into place, glancing back towards the infirmary door, vents quivering as he took a deep breath before heading down the corridor without another word. For a moment, McCree just watched him go, wondering just what memories he had been talking about before carefully burying his curiosity. Now was not the time for that. Taking a deep breath, he turned and moved to the door, hesitating for a moment before slipping back into the infirmary.

   Even from across the room it was easy to see that the archer was flagging, and McCree had a feeling that it was only the pillows that were keeping him upright at this point, and he hesitated for a moment. As much as he wanted to speak to Hanzo and check that he knew that nothing had changed between them, he didn’t want to push him when he was already vulnerable. Angela glanced across at him, offering him a small smile as she finished giving Hanzo what looked like pain medication, lifting a hand to beckon him closer.

“You have five minutes,” she said, voice soft but firm as he approached the bed, her gaze flicking between the two of them before smiling at Hanzo and moving away to give them some privacy. McCree took a moment just to study the other man, he had a little more colour than earlier, but it was clear that he was exhausted and his face was lined with pain. However, what really hurt to see was the reddened eyes and the slowly fading evidence of tears on his cheeks. _What the hell were the two of you talking about?_ Pushing that question aside for later he stepped up to the edge of the bed.

“Hanzo…”

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo wasn’t looking at him, head bowed and his voice low and strained, and McCree could see the way his fingers were clenching in the covers, his knuckles turning white and he itched to reach out and stop him. “I should have…I’m sorry.” McCree sighed at the apologies. He had been expecting them, but he didn’t need or want them and his voice came out slightly rougher than he had intended, drawing a flinch from the archer.

“Stop apologising.”

“But…”

“If you really want to make it up to me,” McCree began, deliberately softening his voice to a low drawl, smirking slightly when Hanzo finally looked up at him, letting his expression shift to a warm smile as he caught the trepidation in the dark eyes. “Then have a rematch with me as soon as the Doc gives you the all clear.” It was obviously going to be a while before the other man was back on his feet, and McCree knew that if he didn’t add the stipulation of waiting for Angela’s blessing, then the idiot would probably be back on the practice range even if he was bleeding or barely able to stand. Hanzo however, looked stunned at his words, his forehead furrowing as he tried to search for some hidden meaning behind the request.

“But…I lied to you…?” At any other time the confusion in the archer’s voice would have been endearing, but right now McCree wanted to growl. A small part of him was still hurt over the fact that Hanzo had hidden something of this magnitude from him, but then he had hidden it from everyone, including his brother, so it wasn’t like he had to feel singled out. However, he had a feeling that the problem here was that Hanzo was waiting for him to turn away, to walk away because he was an omega and this time he couldn’t stop himself from growling under his breath. “McCree…?” Hanzo was watching him with concern now, and he sighed before taking a half step forward, making sure to hold the archer’s gaze.

“Yes, you did.” There was no point in denying something that they both knew to be true, but he hurriedly continued when the archer flinched slightly at his words. “But I reckon you had plenty of good reasons for that…” It wasn’t a question, but he could see Hanzo opening his mouth to try and reply, only to visibly hesitate, and he sighed before quickly reassuring him. “You don’t have to tell me now, or ever. It’s enough that I know that.”

“But…”

“Does the fact that you're an omega really change anything?” McCree had never been good at patience or subtlety, instead choosing to cut directly to what was probably the root of Hanzo’s concerns at the moment, arching an eyebrow at the archer and waiting until he got a tiny, fearful nod from the other man before continuing. “Unless you’re telling me that those bow skills of yours were merely down to the pheromones, then nothing has changed. You’re still the same stubborn man I knew this morning, and I’m going to take great pleasure in winning our next match.” He knew that there was no way Hanzo could argue with that. The other man had spent too many years honing his skills, too many long hours on the practice range to be able to say that he hadn’t worked to become as skilled as he had, and he grinned when the archer’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly, before adding firmly. “Hanzo…it doesn’t change anything, not for me.”


	5. Chapter 5

   Take aim. Fire. Six shots fired. Six targets down. Usually, McCree would have at least felt satisfaction at the perfect shots, but tonight the practice range felt too large, too empty, and he found his gaze drifting across to Hanzo’s preferred spot. It had been a long time since he’d had to practice alone, and it was beginning to dawn on him that he had started to take the archer’s company for granted…a low, frustrated noise building at the back of his throat as he reloaded his gun. Hanzo was the reason he was here, rather than asleep as he should be at half three in the morning. He’d tried to sleep, but every time he got anywhere near dropping off the image of Hanzo collapsing would replay through his mind, alternating with the memory of his brief conversation with the archer earlier that night.

_“Hanzo, it doesn’t change anything, not for me.” The words had come easily, and he had meant them more than anything he’d ever said to Hanzo. He just hadn’t been prepared for the sight of dark eyes welling up in response to his words. His first instinct had been to step forward and comfort the other man, but he managed to check the urge after taking half a step, hands clenching at his sides as he recalled Hanzo’s reactions to touch and he wavered…_

_“Why? Why couldn’t I have known you back then…?”_

_“Hanzo?” He had a feeling that he wasn’t supposed to have heard that, supported by the way Hanzo flinched at his question and he sighed, running a hand through his hair in agitation, and he was almost relieved when Angela came bustling across with a stern expression on her face. Almost, because there was something akin to longing in Hanzo’s eyes as he was herded out of the infirmary with strict instructions not to come back until the next morning._

Fire. Reload. Fire. Reload.

    He was going to catch hell from Winston for the sheer number of training bots he was destroying tonight. But he needed to do something with the nervous energy running through his body, the anger that rose whenever he allowed himself to contemplate why Hanzo was in the infirmary, and more than once he let himself imagine that it was the Shimada Clan that his gun was aimed at. What made it worse was that there was no one for him to really aim his anger at. The clan was all but gone aside for Hanzo and Genji, and there was little point in hunting down the stragglers. Especially at it would risk pointing their attention back towards the brothers, not something he was willing to entertain, especially with Hanzo's current vulnerability.

“You look as though you need this more than me.” The quiet voice had him whirling, gun up and finger tense against the trigger only to freeze as he found Genji leaning against the wall and holding out a bottle of sake.

“You trying to get yourself shot?” McCree demanded angrily, highly aware of the fact that he was too on edge and that his finger could have slipped. It was only when he was slipping his weapon back into its holster that he realised there had been no response, and he frowned glancing up just in time to see guilt wash over his friend’s exposed face. “Genji…?”

“Maybe, I…” Genji faltered, taking a deep breath before tilting his head to the sake. “Will you join me for a drink?”

“Sure…”

**

    McCree stared down at the cup of sake he was nursing. Usually, at a time like this he would have willingly indulged, seeking the temporary oblivion that alcohol could give him, but tonight all he could think about was the relief on Hanzo’s face when he had called over his shoulder that he would be back in the morning. And the fact that Genji had yet to tell him what was going on inside his head right now. The younger Shimada was sat beside him, already on his third cup and the gunslinger was just beginning to think that the younger man was going to be drunk long before he actually spoke when Genji sighed and set aside his cup.

“I’m not sure that my brother would approve of this, but…” Genji cut himself off, turning fierce eyes on McCree and for a moment it felt like he was being pierced by the younger man’s gaze and he was relieved when Genji sighed, suddenly hesitant. “What does my brother mean to you? Does…this…” He lifted his hands as though to indicate the entire situation, and McCree caught the slight tremor in his hands before he was able to lower them. “Change how you view him?”

“No,” McCree replied simply, trying not to sound offended. It was one thing for Hanzo to doubt that the archer had been through too much, and was going through too much to trust that easily, but Genji had known him for a long time. However, he couldn’t be mad at him, not when caught the sheer relief in Genji’s eyes before his gaze darted away and he sighed, taking a sip of his sake and grimacing, it was nothing like the stuff that he shared with Hanzo. “He’s a good friend.” _Best friend, possibly more_ , the words are there, but he’s not about to say them aloud, not right now and not before he’s been able to say them to Hanzo first. “The fact that he’s Omega doesn’t change that, and it’s not going to.”

“I’m sorry, I did not doubt you,” Genji murmured, hands shifting restlessly in his lap, fingers twisting nervously as he glanced across at McCree assessing the gunslinger’s expression. “It’s just. I want to tell you what we were talking about, and I…I needed to know.”

“Genji.” McCree shakes his head, he doesn’t need any more apologies tonight, expression darkening as he remembers Hanzo’s broken apologies and he hastily turns his attention back to Genji, frowning as his words register properly. “Are you sure? You said that you dragged up a lot of memories…?” If he's completely honest with himself, he wants to know what happened. He wanted to know what had put that horrible, broken look in Hanzo’s eyes, and he wants to know what the archer endured so that he can help him, rather than standing there unable to offer comfort. But he knows Hanzo, he knows just how private the other man is, and that the current situation is already pushing that to the limits.

“No,” Genji admits, holding up a hand to silence the protest he can seeing immediately forming on McCree’s face. “But, right now I’m not enough to help him through this on my own, and some of what we talked about has left me…compromised.” That admission has McCree more alarmed than ever, but the quiet plea that followed killed any thoughts of refusing. “Please…”

“All right.” He has a feeling that he’s going to need the sake after this, because the relief that greets his agreement is almost immediately washed away by the earlier guilt, and something unpleasant tightens in his stomach as he wonders if he’s ready to hear this.

_Hanzo, what the hell happened to you?_

****

   Hanzo woke to find himself twisted in the covers, his entire body flushed with heat, sweat clinging to his skin and his stomach churning wildly. A low groan escaping as he tried to free himself from the covers, the noise becoming a whimper as he moved the wrong way and sends waves of pain up his side, and it’s only when he reaches down, fingers brushing against the bandage that the memory of why he’s here comes rushing back to him. The pain is the least of his worries then as he squeezes his eyes shut, trembling as it dawns on him again that his secret is well and truly out, and the warm comfort of McCree’s words lack the strength they had the night before, and he wants to scream when he feels his eyes beginning to sting again.

He hates this…

    He hates that his body and his emotions are out of his control, hates the fact that it calls to mind the memory of being held down because rationally he knows that this different. That the people around him now only want to help. But rationality is hard to cling to, not when memories that he wished to keep buried were bubbling unpleasantly at the surface, or when experience tells him not to trust that things will work out, and there’s a low snarl on his lips when he feels tears on his cheeks.

_Please stop…._

   He detects movement nearby and stiffens, he doesn’t want anyone to see him like this, and he hunkers down under the covers, hissing in pain at the movement and the feel of the sheets rubbing against overheated skin. It’s all too much right now, and he can’t hold back the sob that wells up, or the ones that follow, and he’s tense. Waiting for whoever’s there to try and touch him, to try and comfort him when all he wants right now is to curl up and cry and forget. He’s so lost in his misery that he nearly misses the sound of soft footsteps moving away, but they eventually break through the haze in his mind, and there is relief mixed in with his next sob…and when the sound disappears entirely he allows himself to shatter, pain lancing through him with each sob.

_I can’t do this…_

**

   He must’ve fallen asleep again at some point because when he wakes up, it’s to find himself wrapped in fresh covers, something that sends a spike of alarm through him because that means someone got that close without him knowing. But it feels good against his skin, heat still prickling beneath the surface and there’s a haziness to his thoughts as he turns his head at the sound of footsteps, managing to keep his expression even when Angela appears in his line of sight and bearing a tray of food. His stomach doing flip-flops at the mere sight of it, and he grimaces as he presses a hand against it, although he snatches it away when she reaches his side.

“Good morning.” He’s reasonably sure that she must’ve been the one to witness the start of his breakdown earlier, but there is nothing in her expression that gives that away and something is soothing about the smile she offers him, and he’s relieved when his voice comes out calm and even.

“Morning…”

“How are you feeling?” She asks, immediately slipping into healer mode as she settles the tray on the bedside table, studying him with an expression that is daring him to lie to her and he sighs, finally letting himself take stock. He’s hot, too hot…and his surgical wound is sore, and he feels tired and not just in the physical sense. He doesn’t realise that he’s been speaking aloud until Angela’s fingers brush his arm, just the gentlest touch, but it still makes him flinch back, eyes wide, and there’s instantly an apology on the end of his tongue.

“Sorry…”

“It’s fine,” Angela murmurs, but there is something in her eyes that tells him it’s not, but she’s already continuing, her voice calm and soothing as always. “I’ll get you some more pain medication in a bit, but first I want you to eat, and then we need to talk.”

“I’m not hungry,” Hanzo mutters at once, glancing at the tray of food and feeling his stomach churning once more, although this time he’s not sure whether it’s just the idea of eating or the thought of having to talk.

“Nausea?” She asks knowingly, and he sighs realising that he hadn’t mentioned that earlier and gives a small nod, shifting when she sighs before settling on the edge of his bed. “Unfortunately, that’s a side effect of coming off the pheromones, the same with your fever, and I’m afraid it’s likely to get worse before it gets better. Those treatments are not meant for long-term use, and…”

“There’s not a lot you can do about it,” Hanzo finishes for her with a sigh, huddling in on himself when she nods. It had been one of the reasons he had never tried to come off them even when he was free of his family, the thought of enduring the withdrawal alone had scared him, and it had simply been too dangerous when he needed to constantly be on the move. Even now it scared him, but he knows that without the OSD it would be pointless to continue them, even if the others would let him and he already knows that’s not an option. “How bad…?” He doesn’t want to know, not really, but at the same time, he knows that it’s not something he can hide from.

“I can’t say.” Hanzo can see her frustration with the unhelpful answer, and it holds back his urge to snap at her. “Such reactions are different for everyone.” Angela pauses, glancing around the infirmary for a moment and there’s a melancholy edge to her expression for a moment before she takes a deep breath and turns back to him, hesitant again. “But, considering the length of time you were on them, I think we should prepare for the worst.”

   _Of course,_ he should have known better than to hope that he would have some luck at this stage, and he’s almost afraid to ask. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Partly.”

“What else?” It comes out harsher than he intended, irritation slipping in as he wonders just how much he’s expected to deal with at once. But as quickly as it arrives the irritation vanishes, leaving him feeling empty and drained, and an unpleasant thought slips in. “Is this about my place here…?” He hasn’t forgotten about her reassurances from the day before, but right now he’s not sure that he can believe that. Not when he’s like this, trapped in bed and facing the prospect of withdrawal and goodness knows what else, and a tremor works its way through him as it dawns on him that it could be months before he’s able to go out missions again, not something Overwatch can afford right now. “I…”

“You are a member of Overwatch, and that’s not going to change,” Angela’s sharp voice cuts through his doubts, and he blinks at her, seeing only certainty in her gaze. “However, there are some things we need to take into consideration.”

   Hanzo is still caught up on the fact that she hadn’t hesitated in the slightest when reassuring him that he belongs here, and it takes a moment for the last bit to register, and he blinks, confused for a moment before it dawns on him that he’s still looking at the situation as an Alpha. And the nausea seems to intensify at the realisation that he can’t look at it like that now. A small part of him wants to be relieved and wants to seize the chance to be himself, but he doesn’t know how and he can feel his eyes stinging again much to his frustration. He doesn’t know how to be himself. He doesn’t know how to be an Omega. But now he has no choice but to try and learn, and he shudders, the memory of rough hands and disappointed gazes flitting through his mind as it dawns on him that is probably the very problem she is getting at.

“H-heats?” He wants to curse as his voice cracks on the word, and the soft understanding look on her face, and for a moment he wonders if Genji had told her what happened during his first heat,  but he doesn’t have the courage to ask, instead glancing down, unable to hold her gaze. “I won’t be able to go on missions until we know my pattern…” The words feel foreign on his tongue, and he can’t stop himself from glancing around warily, half expecting angry words to follow as he had always been chased away if the discussion of Omegas and their heats had ever come up around him when he was younger. Hands shifting to cover his stomach at the memory of cramps and fever wash over him, not helped by the heat currently burning beneath his skin. He’s never even experienced a proper heat, of course, they won’t be able to risk him being out in the field.

“Normally I would agree with you.” It takes him a moment to realise that Angela is talking, and he forces himself to focus on her, gaze slightly averted, because he can feel his emotions teetering on the edge again and he’s not sure which way it’s going to go, and he has a feeling that her expression might be the very thing to tip him over the edge. “However, I can’t even guarantee that you’ll still be able to experience heats at this point.” He flinches at that, not sure what to make of the anguish that comes with those words, or the fact that his thoughts dart to McCree for a moment, and he’s relieved when she continues before he can become too entangled in his own thoughts. “There have been cases where people who have used an OSD have lost the ability to have heats, and that is after only a few months or a year or two…”

“But…it’s possible?”

“It’s possible,” Angela agrees quickly, studying him with a frown and catching the flicker of longing in his eyes and filing it away. “However, I’m reluctant to take you out of the field, especially as we have no idea which way it is going to go.” She has a feeling that trapping Hanzo on base, or giving him easy missions will only make things worse for him, and it’s not the first time they’ve had to risk Omegas in the field close to a heat cycle even if they try to avoid it as often as possible.

“But…” Hanzo might have been kept from such knowledge when he was younger and avoided it as best as he could ever since, but he knows the risk of Omegas in heat being in the midst of battle. And as much as he wants to stay in the field and remain a part of Overwatch, he can’t be the reason the others get hurt, his stomach doing flip-flops as his mind darts to McCree and Genji and he shakes his head. “I don’t want to endanger anyone…”

“There are precautions we can take,” Angela cuts in, smiling when she catches the glimmer of hope in his eyes before he’s able to hide it but sobering as she adds cautiously. “I’m not sure you’ll like it…” She’s reasonably sure that he won’t, but she had stayed up until the early hours trying to work out the best way to help him. Dragging up memories from when Overwatch had been bigger, and there had been a lot more Omegas in situations like this, especially a certain stubborn blond who had refused to let biology keep him out of the field, and she can only hope that Hanzo is willing to work with her.

“Tell me…”

“I will need your permission to tell Winston about this,” she gestures towards his bandage, and he frowns in confusion having thought that she would already have had to tell their de facto leader what was going on, and she must’ve picked up on his surprise because her expression softens. “So far, the only ones that know are the two of us, Genji and McCree. The others just know you are ill.”

“I…” Hanzo doesn’t know what to say to that, overwhelmingly grateful at the thought that his secret was still partially contained, but then his expression fell, because as much as he wanted it to remain that way, he knew that it was impossible. He had never been good at detecting scents even his own, but now he can tell that his scent is changing. It’s not yet at what should be, but enough that someone with a normal nose would be able to tell, and he knows it won’t be long before everyone can tell, and there is a heaviness in the pit of his stomach as he murmurs softly. “There is no point in hiding it, is there? I can smell it; my scent is changing already and unless I suppress it…” A spike of alarm goes through him at the mere thought of hiding it, and he wraps his arms around himself and shakes his head. “They’re going to find out anyway…”

“Are you giving me permission to tell them?” Angela asks cautiously, wanting to be sure and surprised at his words and reaction, watching as he stiffened for a moment before giving a tiny nod. “Thank you.”

“I don’t see how that will help though.”

“I want to arrange it so that until we are certain what is happening with your heats you are assigned with someone that you trust to help you should you go into heat,” Angela explained, watching carefully for his reaction. It was one of the most important things for an Omega in heat to be somewhere they feel safe, or around someone they trust. Although she had a feeling that it is going to be difficult for someone like Hanzo who has more reason than most to be distrustful to find someone that he trusts to that extent.

   Hanzo’s initial reaction is to refuse. The thought of relying on someone to that extent making him uneasy and he hates the idea of tying someone to him, but the words won’t come because he knows if he refuses then he’s going to be trapped on the base, or forced to leave Overwatch. Both outcomes leaving an unpleasant taste in his mouth.

“Who…?”

“It’s up to you, but I was thinking Genji?” Angela had a feeling that it would take a while before she could get Genji to leave his brother’s side, and the fact that he was a Beta would make it easier as it was likely that Hanzo would have no defences against an Alpha while he adapted to being an Omega again. However, she couldn’t forget the longing she had caught in the archer’s gaze earlier, and she hesitated for a moment before adding softly. “Unless there’s someone else?” She knows that she’s onto something when Hanzo colours, suddenly unable to hold her gaze and it’s a few minutes before he manages to mumble an answer, his ducked head making it impossible for her to catch the words. “Hanzo? I didn’t quite catch that…”

“McCree…” The words tiptoe out, and there is a wariness in the glance that he shoots her that makes her heart ache. The entire base had watched in bemusement as McCree had slowly broken down Hanzo’s barriers, refusing to be pushed away and refusing to let Hanzo remain alone, and it was common knowledge that the two were rarely apart these days. “But o-only if he wants to.”

“I’ll ask him,” she murmurs, already confident that she knows what the gunslinger will say. After all, he had nearly growled at her the night before when she had herded him out of the infirmary, and the fact that he had waited for so long just to see Hanzo spoke volumes. It helped that she knew he could be trusted around an Omega in heat, it was one of the reasons he had been sent on so many retrieval missions during the height of Overwatch and Blackwatch, and from the way, he had tempered his reactions the day before it was a skill he hadn’t lost. “Is that all right?”

“Y-yes…”

   Angela doesn’t comment on the hesitation, her attention caught by the tremor that wracks his body a moment later, eyes narrowing as she realises that the colour in his cheeks isn’t disappearing. Slowly, making sure that he can see her every movement she reaches up to his forehead, brushing her fingers against his forehead and frowning at the sheer amount of heat coming from his skin. She’s tempted to scold him for not telling her how bad he’s feeling, but the words die when she feels him lean ever so minutely into the touch before his eyes widen in alarm and he flinched back. She lets him go with a sigh, not willing to push him at the moment and instead rising to her feet, glancing at the abandoned breakfast tray before dismissing it and glancing back at him, catching the way his eyes are already beginning to droop again.

“I’ll get your medication, and then I want you to sleep a little more, and later we’ll see if you can eat something.” He mumbles something that might have been an agreement, and she smiles at the sight, if she’s honest the conversation had gone better than expected. Although she has a feeling, that’s due to exhaustion more than anything, frowning as she realises that might mean she’ll have a fight on her hands when he’s on the mend, but for now, it’s enough as she bustles away to get his medication before he can doze off completely.

*****

  _‘There is no established formula for dealing with heats as they vary from Omega to Omega, and can also vary from heat to heat. There are however several basic needs that must be taken care of during this time, the first of which is ensuring that the Omega is kept sufficiently hydrated and if possible nourished…”_

   McCree grimaced as he stared down at the book in his lap before glancing up to check on Hanzo, relieved to see that the archer was still sleeping peacefully. He had been torn between relief and disappointment to find Hanzo asleep when he had slipped into the infirmary a couple of hours ago, relieved that he didn’t need to face the other man just yet, still haggard after the long night. Genji’s story had taken some time, and then he’d had questions, more than he’d ever thought possible. And sleep had been a long time coming after that, thoughts running through his mind, and he wasn’t even sure if the restless half-doze he had eventually managed counted as sleep. Even now he was agitated, the anger that had risen in response to Genji’s murmured words having increased tenfold when he’d realised that Hanzo had looked worse that he had the night before. But also, disappointed, because he wanted to see Hanzo, wanting to make sure that his words from the night before had actually sunk in.

   He certainly hadn’t expected to be left to watch over Hanzo while Angela went to speak with Winston. Nor had he expected the request she had made regarding Hanzo’s participation in missions until they got a fix on his heat patterns, and even now he could quite keep the disbelief out of his gaze as he glances at the sleeping archer. He had always been going to say yes to that request, wanting…no, needing to help Hanzo …but he still couldn’t quite believe that the archer had actually asked for him, that Hanzo trusted him that much after everything that had happened to him, and he clutched the book that Angela had given him tighter, fighting the urge to reach out and grasp the hand lying on top of the covers. Instead, he took a deep breath before turning his attention back to his reading, it’s all stuff he’s been told before, but it’s been a long time since he had been around an Omega in heat and he has no intention of screwing this up.


	6. Chapter 6

_They were going to operate. They were going to change what he was. A part of him, the part that had been trained from a young age to be the perfect heir was ready to agree, to accept his fate in the hope that his father would look at him with fondness and pride once more. But a larger part of him had baulked at the idea, terror flooding him and he had fought. It had been fruitless. His heat had rendered him weak and disorientated, and his opponents had been set on their course of action. Rough hands holding him in place, the sharp prick of a needle and then darkness, and when he had woken a couple of hours later it was too late…_

  Hanzo jerked awake, biting his lip instinctively to hold back a cry, breath catching in his throat as he waited for a reaction to his abrupt awakening. In the past, he would have woken soundlessly, even the most violent jerk masked so that even his most observant watchers would have seen nothing more than a tensing of his muscles. It had been a hard-learned lesson, as nightmares had been treated as a weakness, another sign of his true nature that he wasn’t allowed to show. That much at least he had known was wrong, remembering Genji waking from countless nightmares, haunted by what they were forced to see during their training. He even had a vague memory of his father waking from a nightmare when he was little, offering him comforting words and soothing presence, but they weren’t Omegas, and so it was ignored.

    His memories had distracted him from the present, and he blinked, staring at the ceiling, muscles tensing as he realised that he wasn’t alone. There was soft breathing, not heavy enough to indicate sleep and another sound…of pages rustling and he blinked again before cautiously shifting his head towards the sound, breath catching at the sight of McCree crammed in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs, his attention focused on the book in his lap. McCree was there - with him, and looking as though he had no intention of moving, and Hanzo couldn’t help but stare, a feeling that he didn’t dare put a name too stirring as he watched the other man.

    He had never seen McCree so focused before, remembering all the times that Winston had scolded him for not reading the briefings as thoroughly as he should and yet it was clear that he was absorbing every word in front of him now. He wondered what he could be reading, moving slightly, movements cautious and slow so as not to draw attention until he was able to glimpse the page that McCree was reading, swallowing thickly when his sharp eyes spied the title ‘ _Heat-induced illnesses’_ at the top of the page, a cold weight settling in the pit of his stomach. _Of course_. Now that the last bit of sleep was clearing from his mind, he remembered asking Angela if McCree could be one of his ‘watchers’, and now he shrank back. He had felt awkward asking, but he’d had a brief moment of clarity when he had asked, remembering McCree’s promise that this wouldn’t change anything and trusting in him, and now he felt that clarity melting away.

_What was I thinking?_

“You’re overthinking things, as always,” McCree’s soft drawl caught him by surprise, and there was no hiding his flinch, dark eyes darting to the other man’s face, but McCree’s gaze was still locked on the pages in front of him and moving steadily back and forth across the page. But there was a softness around his lips that indicated he was a moment away from smiling, and his metallic fingers tapped restlessly against the book.

   Hanzo didn’t know how to react. McCree had addressed him so normally, tone level, lightly teasing as he always did when he scolded the archer for overthinking things. Usually when the past and his guilt over what had happened with Genji welled up. He was acting as though nothing had changed, just as he had promised and Hanzo foundered, realising that he was the one that had no idea how to act now. He blinked, glancing away as a burning sensation settled behind his eyes, and he growled under his breath, hands clenching against his covers… _don’t you dare cry_ … it was an order and a plea all at once, and this time he was relieved when he glanced back at the other man and found him just as engrossed in his book as ever. Normal, he’s giving me normal. It was what he needed, what he had been terrified of losing and he took a deep breath, trembling as he forced himself to speak.

“Interesting reading material?” He asked quietly, not daring to look fully at the other man and wincing when despite his best efforts his voice wavered.

“Hmm, hard to say,” McCree replied after a moment, an easy grin crossing his face as he finally closed the book and set it aside on the bedside table, turning his attention fully towards Hanzo. For his part Hanzo had to remind himself not to shift back as the tawny eyes darted down to his bandaged side before focusing on his face, seeming to look for something, and he swallowed thickly as something stirred in his chest at the forcefulness of the gaze. He was about to glance away, overwhelmed when the pressure seemed to lift, and McCree let out a soft chuckle. “I’m fairly sure that the authors had never met a stubborn man like you when they were writing this book.”

 _Man_ … It was stupid, but Hanzo found himself fixated on that word, fixated on the fact that McCree hadn’t called him an Omega. That he hadn’t drawn attention to the reason why they were in this situation and why McCree had been spending a rare afternoon off reading a book about caring for Omegas, his gaze darting to the abandoned book and then skittering away again. _A man._ A noise, that was half laugh, half sob welled up. With that, one simple word McCree had given him the one thing that his family had made him think would never be possible if the truth came out. The laughter faded, sobs taking over and wracking his body, and he wanted to curse as felt the burning in his eyes giving way to tears that trickled down his cheeks, but he couldn’t move his hands to wipe them away and instead turned his head away from McCree.

“Hanzo?” The smile was gone from McCree’s voice, panic seeping in when Hanzo continued to weep and the archer tried to gather himself, wanting nothing more than to ease than panic after the gift McCree had just given him. But his voice wouldn’t work, the sobs wouldn’t stop welling up, the tears wouldn’t cease falling, and he shook his head wordlessly. Something that did nothing to reassure McCree, because now there was a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently as though frightened that he would break. “Hanzo? Are you, all right?”

   Wary. Ashamed of the emotions that he couldn’t control he risked a glance at McCree’s face, blinking when he saw no anger, no disappointment…just concern. It was that which allowed him to suck in a desperate breath, blinking fiercely to try and clear the tears from his vision, before forcing his voice to work.

“I…I…” He growled, ducking his head, angry at himself now. The urge to say that he was ‘fine’ was strong, it was the shield he had hid behind for so long, but he felt McCree’s fingers tighten, saw a hardness in the tawny eyes that hadn’t been there before when he glanced up again, and he sighed and settled for shaking his head again. “I-I don’t know.”

   It was true. He hurt, a deep ache in his side that he knew would fade in time. There was a heat prickling underneath his skin, giving him a strange feeling as though his skin was not enough to hold him and yet too much, his stomach curling unpleasantly. He knew that some of it was to do with the surgery, to do with the loss of the Alpha pheromones and the Omega ones that were now seeping freely through his body, but it was more than that. He felt off balance, emotionally. The barriers which he had built crumbling without his permission, emotions that he didn’t want and wasn’t equipped to deal with bubbling up against his wishes, and suddenly he snarled. Not sure who he was angrier at, himself for feeling like this, his family for putting him in this position or with McCree for staring at him with such concern, so desperate to understand, and to help. “Leave me!” The words slipped out, snapped before he could even think about what he was doing, and wanted to cry again when he felt McCree flinch and release him.

“Hanzo, I…”

“Don’t apologise,” Hanzo cut him off, feeling sick at the mere thought of McCree apologising _. What was wrong with him?_ One moment he had been over the moon that McCree could still see him as a man, as a person and not an Omega, and now he was snapping and snarling at him, sliding back into the bad habit he’d first had when he had joined Overwatch. “I’m sorry…I did not mean to snap at you,” he couldn’t look at the other man as he apologised, staring down at his lap, hands twisting together. What if he scared McCree away? If he lost this acceptance? He couldn’t bear that thought, the churning in his stomach intensifying and he furiously forced back more tears. “I _…” I will understand if you walk away…_

    He was caught by surprise when warm fingers ghosted against his cheek, and he flinched violently away from the gentle touch. He felt McCree tense at his response, but he couldn’t bring himself to apologise, fear gripping him for a moment as his nightmare flashed through his mind… _touch was bad… h_ e shivered and huddled in on himself, hating himself for the reaction, hating the fact that a part of him wanted to lean into those warm fingers, longing for the offered comfort even though he didn’t deserve it.

“Hanzo,” McCree’s voice commanded his attention, the hint of steel that was usually only heard in battle making Hanzo lift his head and meet his gaze, the other man hiding any hurt about him flinching away as he added firmly. “I’m not going anywhere.” It was nearly enough to make Hanzo weep again. The simple certainty of those words, and oh how he longed to believe it, and a part of him did because this was McCree and as flirty and relaxed as the other man could be, he had never lied to the archer. McCree sighed, and Hanzo blinked, suddenly panicked as he wondered what had shown in his face. Before all this, he would never have needed to worry about it, easily able to control his expression as well as he could control his aim, but now he felt raw and open, and he feared that McCree had seen his doubt and would be offended by it. “I’m not asking you to believe me right away.” There was hurt in McCree’s voice, barely detectable but there, but his voice was even, and when Hanzo looked at him again, there was a wry smile on his lips. “Heaven knows I’m wary enough and I haven’t been through what you’ve been through.”

“I…” Hanzo trailed off, realising that he honestly didn’t know what to say, but finding himself unable to look away from McCree and the warm, tawny eyes watching him.

“You asked Angela if I could help you with missions?” McCree asked cautiously, and Hanzo nodded, not trusting himself to speak in case the wrong words came out again. “You trust me with that?” Hanzo hesitated this time. He did, but his thoughts and feelings had been clearer then…but the trust was still there he realised, gaze darting to the abandoned book. McCree could have refused his request, and there had been no need for him to take the time to read about it, and swallowing thickly and shifting nervously he nodded again, knuckles turning white as twisted his fingers together. “Then the rest will come,” McCree murmured, making it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world and all Hanzo could do was stare at him, wide-eyed and unsure. “It’s going to take time, and the Doc warned that you were going to be…out of sorts for a while.” That was a polite way of saying he was a mess, and Hanzo unbelievably felt his lip s quirk up at the thought, earning an echoing grin from McCree. “Besides, your bark is worse than your bite.”

“Oh really?” He hadn’t meant to reply, the words slipping out and for a moment they both paused. He had almost sounded like himself, and he blinked, bemused when McCree let out a bark of laughter in response.

“Really.”

    An awkward silence settled for a moment, and Hanzo let his gaze drift down to where McCree’s hand rested on the edge of the bed, left there after his reaction earlier. Seeing it lying there it was hard to see it as a threat, even though he had seen what those hands were capable of when missions had descended into fisticuffs. Still, despite that, he found his gaze lingering. He wanted to do something for McCree, something to show how much his actions meant to him, but could he do this? The first time he tried to move his body refused to respond, a shiver worming its way through his body instead and he fought back a growl. Trying again he managed to inch his own hand forward, faltering when McCree caught onto what he was doing and tensed, and he glanced up warily, half expecting to be rejected and pushed away, but the other man stilled, watching him quietly.

   Maybe it was the spark of hope that he glimpsed in the tawny eyes, or the soft smile playing on the other man’s lips but painfully slowly he managed to inch his hand forward, faltering again as fear gripped him.

“Han…” He shook his head, cutting off the gentle reassurance. He didn’t want McCree to tell him that he didn’t need to do this, to push himself, even though he had to admit to himself at least that the attempt helped. He wanted to do this.

   His heart was hammering in his chest, eyes beginning to burn once more as he closed the distance between them, trembling fingers brushing against warm ones. It barely even lasted a moment, panic gripping him as memories rushed to the forefront of his mind, but it was a touch. And although he was shivering, a cold sweat covering him as he huddled in on himself once more, he managed to get his voice to work, relieved when the words he needed to say came out steady.

“Thank you…”

****

    McCree lifted a finger to his lip as Genji entered the infirmary, tilting his head towards the bed. After their conversation and that surprising step forward, he had managed to get the archer to drink some water and take some more of the pain medication that Angela had left for him. The medicine on top of the emotional upheaval earlier had left Hanzo exhausted, and it hadn’t taken him long to drop off. On the other hand, it had taken McCree a long time to tear his gaze away from Hanzo after the other man was asleep. He looked peaceful now despite the drying tear tracks on his face, but it was hard to forget the sight of him sobbing, barely able to meet his gaze and he felt the urge to growl bubbling up in the back of his throat. He had known that Hanzo was going to be a mess, but he hadn’t been ready it, and the fury he felt at what had been done to the archer had only grown as he watched Hanzo falling apart a short while before.

“How is he?” Genji’s voice was soft as he reached at them, mask firmly in place, hiding his expression. It didn’t take much for McCree to imagine the scowl he was probably wearing, catching the way Genji was fingering his shurikens and the tense way he was standing. It helped to realise that he wasn’t the only one struggling to hold in his anger, and it was enough to make him relax, slowly lowering his hand and shaking his head.

“Physically he’ll be fine in time.” Angela would make sure of it, and she had never failed them, and McCree knew that she was taking this case personally. She was furious that a doctor would have done this to an unwilling patient and feeling guilty for not having seen it before, although they all knew that Hanzo would probably have taken it to his grave if he could. “Emotionally…” He shook his head, feeling the anger bubbling up again. Logically he knew that once Hanzo’s body had stabilised and knew what it was supposed to be, the emotional storm he was currently experiencing would settle down. However, it wouldn’t change what Hanzo had been through, or the reactions that he had learned to protect himself and his gaze drifted down to his hand, feeling an echo of those trembling fingers from earlier.

“McCree?”

   God knows what his expression must’ve been showing to earn such a frantic tone from Genji, and he grimaced before glancing up at him, hesitating for a moment. Genji deserved to know what had happened after all this was his brother, and yet that moment, that brief second when Hanzo had managed to overcome his fear had been private. Would Hanzo hate him for speaking about it? He glanced at Hanzo, still stunned that Hanzo trusted him enough to ask him to help. Sure the hesitation earlier and the way he flinched away had hurt, but the trust was there, no matter how limited at the moment and he was determined to make sure that he didn’t screw things up.

“It’s nothing,” McCree murmured, making his decision, unsurprised when Genji tilted his head to the side, no doubt picking up in the lie and he hurried to continue before he could be called out about it. “Sorry, it’s hard seeing him like this.” That much at least was true. This wasn’t the Hanzo he knew, and worst he knew that it wasn’t what Hanzo wanted to be, catching the frustration whenever his emotions had got the better of him.

“It is,” Genji agreed softly, finally moving to settle into the chair on the other side of the bed, placing a box that McCree hadn’t noticed before on the bedside table before reaching up and lifting his mask, giving McCree a clear view of the pained expression on his face. “Yet at the same time, it is nice to see the emotions.” He sighed, gaze darting to Hanzo’s face, eyes darkening as he caught the lingering evidence of his brother’s tears. “I feel bad for saying that, but…”

“You don’t have to explain,” McCree was quick to reassure him. He didn’t need the words to understand, remembering all the times he had doubted that Hanzo even tolerated him let alone liked him because of the mask he always wore. Genji was right in a way, it was a relief to get a proper glimpse at what lay beneath. If only it had been because it was what Hanzo wanted, and not because of circumstances out of his control. Sighing, trying not to let his anger rise again he shifted his attention to the box and tilted his head towards it, relieved for a change of topic. “What’s in the box?”

“A cake…” Genji grinned for a moment, a flash of his normal spirits showing through. “Angela said that he had been reluctant to eat earlier, and my brother has never been able to resist sweets.”

“Really?” McCree couldn’t hide his surprise, wracking his brain, but he couldn’t ever remember Hanzo eating sweets. The other man was usually gone before they got to dessert on the few nights that someone could be bothered making something, usually Reinhardt who had a love for baking that could often see them eating the products of his sessions for days afterwards.

“We were rarely allowed them as children,” Genji replied, his grin fading slightly as he added softly and with more than a hint of longing. “But Hanzo would sometimes sneak out into the town and get something, and we would eat it up on the roof where no one would find us. At least we did, before….”

   _Before_. McCree had a feeling that he was going to end up hating that word, but he pushed that thought away for now.

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.” McCree had a feeling that Hanzo would more than appreciate it. Even before any of this had happened, Hanzo had spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about his brother and their relationship, terrified that the relationship they’d once had was well and truly lost, not that he had ever said as much. He never really said anything of importance, or at least not in depth, but McCree had become quite attuned to the shifts in his moods and thoughts. And he had caught the way Hanzo watched his brother when they were close to one another, seen the fear in the dark eyes when Genji’s missions went awry and the way he would stand guard outside the infirmary while his brother was in here.

“I hope so,” Genji offered him a fleeting smile, before scowling as he gestured at the room and the bandages wrapped around Hanzo’s wound. “This…I don’t know how to help him with this. I’m a Beta, I always just avoided everything to do with Alphas and Omegas. I was always relieved that I wasn’t an Omega, that I had proved them wrong and that I was neutral.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Maybe not.” It was clear that Genji didn’t believe that, his eyes dark as he stared at his brother. “But, I wish that I had paid more attention or that I had seen things more clearly.”

“You were a child,” McCree pointed out, realising that was a mistake when another thought followed his reply. _You were both children_. He didn’t know why, but that was the breaking point for him, and there was no holding back the growl that rose in the back of his throat, hands curling into fists at his side as though he was readying to fight, and he wished that he could. He wished more than anything that he could just solve this with his fists, with his gun. That there was someone he could hurt, but there wasn’t, and at that moment, he shared Genji’s helplessness entirely. He didn’t know how to help with this, how to fix it either and with a snarl he got to his feet. “I’m sorry. I-I need some air, will you stay with him?” He knew that he didn’t have to ask, but he wanted…needed to know that Hanzo wouldn’t be alone, and he barely waited long enough for Genji’s acknowledgement before he was up and out of the door, just needing to get away from everything before he did something he regretted.

   Genji watched him go, startled by the outburst as it had been a very long time since he had seen McCree lose his temper. There had been a time when he had mistakenly thought the other man was a Beta too, because of his mild temper and the fact that he seemed to pay no heed to biology or the expectations that came with it and he had been surprised to learn that McCree was an Alpha. It wasn’t simple anger though, because he had seen the glint in the tawny eyes, the desire to do something, a feeling that he was all too familiar with at the moment. But he had a reason, he was Hanzo’s brother. Even if McCree was his brother’s best friend that reaction went above and beyond that, and slowly, a warm, hopeful smile crept across his face as realisation dawned and his gaze darted towards Hanzo.

_Brother, I hope that with time you can see what is right in front of you…_


	7. Chapter 7

   Hanzo woke abruptly with a sharp cry on his lips, eyes darting around wildly as he searched for the hands that had been reaching for him. Instead of hands, he found flames leaping up around, flickering against him and he cried out again as he batted at them, trying to douse them even as he tried to shrink away from them. It didn’t help, wherever he went the flames seemed to follow, licking hungrily at his skin and it felt to him as though they were already inside him, burning a path beneath his skin and writhed, barely aware of the whimpers that were escaping him. It was too hot. There were tears in his eyes as he thrashed, trying in vain to escape the heat even as he realised that there was something wrapped around him that was encumbering his movements and stopping him from escaping.

_Rough hands holding him place…_

“Stay back!” He hissed, already knowing that it wouldn’t be enough, it was never enough. Terror making him lash out and he flinched back when he felt his hands come into contact with someone, his heart hammering in his ears. Fresh fear engulfing him as he realised that he could feel hands on his shoulders trying to hold him down. Trying to trap him in place so that the fire could claim him. “Do not touch me!” His words were falling on deaf ears, the pressure on his shoulders unrelenting and he could feel the tears slipping down his cheeks even as he fought to stop them and he was unable to stop the plea that slipped out. “Please…” _Please, I can’t do this again…_ His brow furrowed at his own thought, something about it tugging at him, but whatever it was, it was elusive, and he let it slip away again because the fire was rising now and it hurt.

“…zo! HANZO!” There was a voice now, rising above the roaring in his ears and he flinched at the sound even as he found himself blinking, vision blurring as he sought out the source. There was something familiar about the voice, something that spoke of comfort and reassurance rather than pain, and he blinked again realising that blurry shapes were leaning over him, his mind sluggishly connecting the dots between them and the hands on his shoulders.

“Let…go…please,” it was harder to force out this time, but there was a brief pause, and then the grip on his shoulders seemed to lighten, although to his dismay it didn’t disappear entirely and a moment later there was the sensation of fingers on his cheek, and he howled. His skin felt like it was splitting apart as the fire followed the path of that touch, burning hotter than ever and distantly he was aware of someone cursing above him.

   Then there was another voice, this one also familiar but less welcome and then it felt like he had been doused in water. His blurry vision was flooded with soft gold, and he could feel the fire fighting back, stubbornly refusing to lose ground but slowly being beaten back. As the fire continued to recede, he slumped, feeling utterly drained as he sank back into what he now realised was a bed. The restraints around him the covers that had become twisted around him in his desperate battle to escape the flames and he barely had the energy to flinch as he finally felt the hands leaving his shoulders in favour of freeing him from the covers.

   The light lingered for a few more minutes before fading away, and he blinked again, the world slowly coming into focus and the blurry figures above him taking on distinctive and familiar features and he felt the lingering terror receding as he recognised the ridiculous cowboy hat. “Hey, you back with us?”

 _McCree…_ The other man looked exhausted and wrung out, an expression usually reserved for a mission that had gone to hell and ended up drawn out over days, with all of them living on the edge and he frowned. _What had he missed?_ Had Talon made a move? He felt sick, imagining what could have happened while he was stuck here in the infirmary because he recognised the room now, his gaze drifting around the room, startled to find Angela and Genji hovering at the end of his bed, looking just as stressed as McCree.

“What…happened?” He croaked, frowning at how hard it was to get those words out, his voice feeling raw as though he had been screaming for hours. Maybe he had, he shivered remembering the fire, the hands on his shoulders. It took him a moment to pull his thoughts back to the present, just in time to catch them sharing worried looks and he frowned. “…Mission?”

“Brother…” Genji sounded exasperated, and Hanzo had a feeling that if it had been any other time, he would have been calling him an idiot.

“You know, you didn’t need to prove me right just because I said it could be bad,” Angela cut in before he could retort and he blinked, staring at her for a moment, the words taking a moment to penetrate his confusion. _Bad?_ Bile rose as he realised that it wasn’t a mission that had gone wrong, but his body playing havoc with him yet again and he ducked his head, unable to bring himself to look at them, guilt chasing on the tail of the realisation that they looked like that because of him.

“Sorry.” He twitched as he heard several annoyed noises, instinctively curling in on himself as he caught a spike in McCree’s scent, desperately fighting the urge to look at the Alpha and he could’ve wept with relief when Angela spoke again before anyone else could.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Hot…but not as hot,” Hanzo mumbled, realising that he could still feel the fire as though from a distance, recognising the prickle of heat beneath his skin that had been a constant since he had woken for the first time in the infirmary. “Exhausted.” It was an effort just to get the word out, and it felt like someone had just come along and scooped everything out of him. He felt empty, eyes already threatening to shut and he jolted when Angela lightly nudged the bed, grateful when he looked up and realised that she had carefully avoided touching him.

“I’ll give you something that will hopefully get rid of the last of that fever,” she replied with a sympathetic smile, before hesitating as she glanced at the other two. “In the meantime, will you let one of us help you out of bed so that we can change the covers?” _No_ , the refusal was on the tip of his tongue, not sure that he could handle even the lightest touch at the moment, but the lure of fresh bedding was strong, especially now that he was paying attention to the sour smell coming from the bed and he wrinkled his nose, cursing his new sensitivity. Before he would have been able to ignore it, or wouldn’t even have picked up on it, but now it was overwhelming, and after a moment he sighed and hesitantly nodded.

“Who do you want to help you?”

   Again, the fact that he as being given a choice, being treated like a person was nearly enough to move him to tears, and he was relieved when no one commented on the way he curled in on himself, hiding his face for a moment as he brought the urge back under control. “Genji.” He whispered finally, unable to bring himself to look at McCree, wishing that he could have said his name, but he felt like he was teetering on the edge at the moment and he hoped that the fact that it was his brother and a Beta would make it a little easier for him tolerate the necessary touch.

“Guess I’m on bed duty then.” Hanzo couldn’t help but look up then because McCree didn’t sound disappointed or irritated, but cheerful and the Alpha met his gaze evenly, looking happier than he had when Hanzo had first come back to himself, an echo of his usual grin appearing as Hanzo studied him. It didn’t seem like he was fazed in the slightest by Hanzo rejecting his touch again, or that he had been relegated to such a menial task, and Hanzo found himself shrinking back. A sudden surge of guilt that he didn’t understand flooding him, a soft protest bubbling up, even though he wasn’t sure what he was protesting about.

“But…”

“Believe me once you’ve had to do the laundry for the entirety of Blackwatch for two weeks,” McCree cut across him, voice soft and Hanzo hated the fact that immediately eased the guilty feeling although it didn’t fade entirely. Instead, he frowned in confusion wondering why McCree would have had to do something like that, surprised that he was willingly bringing up the past and catching his brother’s soft snort of laughter before McCree shot Genji a dark look. “It was a punishment because a certain person let me drop myself in it.” It took Hanzo a moment to realise that the odd spike of emotion that followed Genji chuckling was envy, fingers curling into the sheets, overwhelmed for a moment by the feeling that he shouldn’t be here between them. Only coming back to the present when McCree lightly patted the end of his bed, carefully avoiding touching him as he added warmly. “This is nothing.”

   Hanzo still wasn’t convinced, an uneasiness that he didn’t fully understand but lacked the energy to explore settling into the pit of his stomach. However, apart from tensing up, he didn’t fight it as his brother moved to his side and slowly pulled the covers away from him, giving him time to adjust to his closeness before gently grasping his arm. For a moment Hanzo forgot to breathe, a roaring sound filling his head as he stared at Genji’s hand, trembling in the grip even though he knew that his brother wasn’t trying to hurt him. Still, it took every bit of stubbornness he possessed to push through the panic, breathing still too fast as he let Genji help him from the bed, realising the moment he hit the ground that it was the only way he was going to do this as his legs immediately threatened to buckle beneath him. “All right?” Genji asked, voice soothing as he moved to get a better hold on him.

   Hanzo didn’t trust his voice, but he gave a tiny nod, watching with slightly blurry eyes as McCree deftly stripped the bed, wondering how the gunslinger wasn’t reacting to the sour smell which even now was tickling his sensitive nose. Angela had disappeared, hopefully, to get the medicine because he could feel the heat rising again shifting uneasily, a low noise that was a little too close for a whimper for his liking escaping as Genji moved to make sure he didn’t fall. His skin was crawling. They were too close. A burning sensation seeming to spread from where Genji’s body was in contact with his, even though his brother’s armour was cool to the touch, and he could feel the urge to push his brother away rising by the second.

_He won’t hurt me. He’s helping. Just a bit longer._

   He closed his eyes, trying to pretend that he was on his own, repeating the words over and over as though saying them enough would make them real. Nausea was rising, his stomach churning as panic and fear began to overwhelm his stubborn control.

“All done.” At that moment Hanzo didn’t think he had ever heard more beautiful words. His eyes snapping open to see that McCree was standing beside the freshly made bed, although what caught his attention was the way that McCree was glaring at his brother, his scent spiking for a moment before he seemed to remember where he was and take a step back. Confused he glanced at Genji, not sure what to make of the pleased expression on his brother’s face and deciding to ignore it as he was guided gently back to the bed, Genji’s hands disappearing the moment there was no more danger of him collapsing in a heap on the floor.

“Thank you.” He hated that he had to rely on them for something like this and hated the fact that even a helping hand felt like a threat, but he had to admit that it felt better to slip into fresh covers, a soft sigh of relief escaping as he curled up, burying his nose in the pillows. There was a different scent. It was familiar but stronger than he had smelt it before and it took him longer than he should have to realise that it was McCree’s earthy scent flooding his nose. He tensed, not sure what to make of that fact, but the scent was soothing, easing the tension still curling in the pit of his stomach and after a moment he just relaxed and closed his eyes, missing Genji nudging McCree with a knowing look and the hint of smugness in the latter’s expression.

   Exhausted from the fever and having to deal with being touched, and with McCree’s scent already soothing him he was nearly asleep by the time Angela reappeared. Stirring just enough to snarl at her touch, although he didn’t lash out or try to push her away, barely registering her explanation about what she was giving him, just wanting it over and done with. There was a gentle pinch in his arm and then her touch disappeared, her voice soothing as she promised that they were done for now and that he could relax. And he tried to thank her, for understanding and for going out of her way to deal with his issues, but the words were lost in a yawn, and it wasn’t long before he was asleep once more, praying that the fire wouldn’t return.

****

   That fever he had later learned had lasted for nearly two days, spiking twice more before Angela had managed to get it fully under control. His memories from those days were muzzy, confused impressions of fire and pain, brief moments of lucidity, with at least one of them by his side whenever he roused enough to notice their presence. He was sure they had been there the rest of the time as well, as he had fleeting memories of soothing words, both English and Japanese during the times that the flames had reached their height, giving him something to ground himself with. However, he wasn’t sure how to ask, embarrassed by the thought of getting so much attention and unsure of how he was supposed to respond, and it was a relief when they easily brushed aside his awkward attempts to give voice to his gratitude and eventually it fell by the wayside.

   On a more positive note with the breaking of the fever, his body finally seemed to be settling into an equilibrium, at least physically. His scent was no longer sour or conflicting, and although it was still foreign to him, he found that he rather liked it, the underlying hint of sakura that reminded him of home and softness, of nights curled in bed with his brother as their mother read them bedtime stories before everything had gone to hell. When he had tentatively mentioned it to Genji during one of his brother’s visits Genji had smiled and nodded, saying that it reminded him of the same, however, it was the quiet admission of relief that Hanzo did at least have some happier memories that made him realise his brother was still struggling with things as well. He had managed to reach out, brushing his fingers lightly against his brother’s wrist and while the touch hadn’t lingered, his breathing speeding up from just that much, the smile it had earned him had made it worth it.

   His side was healing fast now, and Angela had promised that he would be able to be up and about again in another couple of days, although she had asked that he remained in the infirmary until the end of the week at least, still concerned about the way his moods kept shifting. He kept thinking that he was getting there, having brief moments of feeling himself, but then the slightest thing could tip him over the edge, and he found himself alternating between wanting to weep and snapping and snarling at those who were just trying to help him. His temper when it flared was always short-lived, but he was getting tired of feeling that he need to apologise, even though everyone kept telling him not to worry about it.

   A soft cough from the doorway caught his attention, dragging him out of his rapidly darkening thoughts and he looked up, blinking as he found McCree hovering at the entrance. The other man, unfortunately, was often the target for the worst spikes in his mood, and yet every day he returned, always cheerful and grinning, and Hanzo wondered how long it was going to last. How long was McCree going put up with a broken omega? With someone who had been flinching away from him worse than ever since that tentative touch a few days ago? He worried at his bottom lip, half wanting to ask McCree to just leave him alone before he could make things worse, but the words wouldn’t come, because as much as those worries weighed on him, he wanted McCree here.

   It was a deep-rooted desire, something that he didn’t fully understand and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to, but every time McCree’s earthy scent tickled his nose he found something in his chest easing, and it was a feeling that he found himself chasing more than he should. He had considered asking Angela or Genji about it, but he worried that the latter would tease him because while Genji had been there throughout this mess, he was still his brother, easing back into teasing him when he knew that it wouldn’t set him off. Angela was an option, but Hanzo knew that the current situation had caused her a lot of trouble and that she was still monitoring him closely and researching, trying to map out what might happen next and he couldn’t bring himself to add to that, and at the moment there was no one else he could confide in.

   What had happened to him wasn’t a secret. His bedside table was covered in cards and gifts from the rest of the team, and going by the number of sweets he had received Genji had revealed his love of sweet things. It was touching, and since he had turned a corner, he’d had brief visits from everyone who was on base, most of them bearing messages from the others on base. There had been no judgement and no pity, which had seen him curling up, tears stinging in his eyes as relief flooded him, but he didn’t know just how much they knew. And he wasn’t comfortable enough to try and explain this new feeling to them, which left him trying to make sense of it along with everything else. However, for now, he released his bottom lip and mustered a small smile for McCree who was patiently waiting for some sign that he was allowed to approach.

“You’re looking better,” McCree commented as he moved closer, boots jingling and Hanzo found himself relaxing at the noise, realising that at some point it had become familiar and soothing rather than the irritating, jarring disturbance it had been in the early days.

“Thank you…” He wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say, part of him bristling at the comment, even though he didn’t really want to think about how he must’ve looked during the worst moments of the fever, remembering the sour smell and the way everything had been clinging to him. However, his words drew a smile from McCree, and he had a feeling that the other man knew exactly what he was thinking, and he found himself having to glance away, cursing under his breath as he felt his cheeks heating up, emotions doing a funny waver as he teetered between embarrassment and irritation.

   He wasn’t given a chance to give into the irritation, because McCree was by his side and settling into one of the chairs that he and Genji had commandeered from the common room after his brother had ‘accidentally’ broken the plastic monstrosities they had been using. He looked as ridiculous as ever in his cowboy gear, but Hanzo found himself calming and softening at the familiar sight, taking a deep breath and willing the colour to fade from his cheeks. He was just looking up when he found McCree handing him a tablet, and he blinked as he stared down at it before glancing at the other man in confusion.

“Here,” McCree pushed it forward, waiting expectantly until Hanzo finally accepted it, pulling it into his lap although his gaze never left McCree. “I figured you must be getting bored in here, especially now you’re awake more.”

“This…” Hanzo swallowed thickly, frustrated when he felt everything rising once more. It was just a tablet, one that everyone had access to on the Watchpoint although he had never made use of it beyond what was needed for mission briefings, and yet he could feel his eyes stinging. It didn’t help when he finally touched the screen, bringing up the display to find that it was fully loaded with things to keep him entertained. Games that he recognised from the times Hana had made them all watch her stream, a file labelled ‘movies Hanzo needs to see’ that he had a feeling Genji had probably added to, and various other links and apps. The stinging intensified when he realised it had been set up specifically for him, and there was a waver in his voice that he couldn’t hide as he glanced back at McCree. “This is for me?”

“You didn’t seem to have much in your room,” McCree replied with a shrug and Hanzo immediately tensed, shame flooding him at those words. He had been at the Watchpoint for a while now, and he still hadn’t made any effort to treat it like a home, had even consciously stopped himself from adding any personal touches to the room in case he ended up having to leave. “I didn’t touch anything,” McCree was quick to reassure him, mistaking the reason for the tension that had seeped into his shoulders and Hanzo hastily shook his head.

“It wasn’t that.” He could see McCree leaning forward, a frown replacing his grin, but he didn’t want to explain and instead he glanced down, fingers tightening around the tablet. “I…thank you.”

“Hanzo…” He looked up surprised by the sudden note of uncertainty in McCree’s voice, nose wrinkling as the Alpha’s scent soured for a second, but when their eyes met McCree sighed and shook his head, offering him a weak grin. “Never mind, it’s not important.”

“But…”

“Don’t worry about it,” McCree cut him off, and this time there was something in his voice that made Hanzo want to obey, although he instantly found himself wanting to snarl at the other man, suddenly feeling threatened. He clamped down on the urge, not wanting to fight right now and it was a relief when McCree leant forward again, scent back to normal as he reached out to touch the tablet, carefully avoiding Hanzo’s fingers. “Now I promised Genji I would make sure you watched this movie first. If you don’t mind?”

“I have nothing better to do.” To many, he knew that the words would have come across as cold and disinterested, and he was about to try and soften his words when McCree spoke.

“Scoot over.” Hanzo felt a moment of panic, and it must’ve shown on his face because McCree immediately drew back, his tone soothing. “I just want to lean against the edge.” He didn’t deserve this level of patience. Hanzo could feel himself colouring again, hating that he reacted like that even when he should’ve known by now that McCree wasn’t going to push him too far and not trusting his voice he settled for nodding before scooting over, giving the other man room to lean against his bed.

   He used the minutes whilst McCree muttered under his breath as he searched through the folder of films that Genji had added, idly noting that there was an almost alarming number to be watched, to calm himself down, taking deep breaths, McCree’s scent calming him along with the other man’s total focus on the tablet.

“Got it!” McCree’s triumphant statement came when Hanzo had achieved his previous calm, and he felt his lips twitching into a smile at the enthusiasm, although he was a little bit worried about what kind of films his brother would have suggested. He lifted his knees slightly, letting McCree prop the tablet up so that they could both see the screen, brow wrinkling as he studied the picture on the screen and read the title ‘Miss Congeniality’. It looked very much like something Genji would like, the woman reminding him of the posters that his brother had kept hidden in his closet when he was younger and thought he didn’t know about. And while it wasn’t the kind of thing, he would usually watch, but he didn’t voice that thought, knowing that his brother would be fully aware of that fact. In fact, the whole team probably knew considering the blank expression he adopted whenever Hana and Lucio dragged Genji into a conversation about music and films they all liked. “Is this okay?”

“It’s fine,” Hanzo murmured, nodding when he realised that McCree’s finger was hovering over play. In fact, it was more than fine, he admitted to himself as he relaxed back into his pillows, highly aware of McCree’s proximity but the careful distance the gunslinger was maintaining made it bearable. He took a deep breath, breathing in McCree’s scent and trying not to focus on the way their scents were mingling in the air. His sense of smell still not sensitive enough to separate them and finding that he didn’t mind too much, a peaceful feeling washing over him as the movie began to play, McCree’s breathing a pleasant background noise.


	8. Chapter 8

   

    It had been a few days since their impromptu film night, and Angela was finally beginning to talk about letting him return to his own quarters, something that had a strange mix of anticipation and dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. Hanzo could understand the former because he missed having the choice of isolation. Not that the others wouldn’t have given him solitude if he’d asked for it while he was in the infirmary, but the room itself left him feeling like he was being watched, and it had left him jumpy and uneasy when he was on his own. No, it was the strange dread. Or maybe it was closer to reluctance that confused him, because he certainly didn’t want to stay in the infirmary longer than necessary, and yet the thought of leaving left him…uneasy in a completely different way.

   Hanzo grumbled under his breath as he rolled onto his side and glanced out across the otherwise empty room. He couldn’t hear Angela moving around in her office which meant that she was probably down at breakfast, and he knew that meant that his brother or McCree would put in an appearance soon, probably with food in tow, as they both seemed to have made it their mission in life to make sure that he ate properly. Part of him hated the fussing, the other almost wanted to purr at their insistence, particularly where McCree was involved, and that was another thought he wasn’t ready to deal with. He shifted again, the grumbling becoming a growl as he struggled to find a comfortable position, cautiously rolling onto his other side, mindful of the healing wound, and immediately feeling vulnerable with his back exposed to the room.

    It wasn’t just the room. He felt vulnerable most of the time at the moment, torn open and exposed, his emotions still bouncing between extremes, even if he did have moments of peace. Like that evening with McCree, watching silly movies that he would never usually have wasted his time watching, and yet had found himself enjoying. Or maybe it had been McCree’s presence, close but not too close, his earthy scent a balm on frayed nerves. It had been a pleasant evening, even he could admit that much, but now it felt wrong. A weakness that he shouldn’t have allowed himself, and he knew that was his family speaking. The lessons that they had drilled into his head rearing their ugly head once more, and this time the noise he made as he shifted again was somewhere between a groan and a sob that he hastily tried to swallow.

   His skin felt too tight, or maybe he felt too big for his body. He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that the moment he’d woken that morning he’d felt off. Not in the way that he had the day he’d collapsed, and nothing that he could really put a finger on. His side was still tender, burning if he moved too quickly or bent the wrong way, the healing wound itching if he let his mind linger on it for too long. And he was tired, the weight of exhaustion lying against his bones, weighing him down even though he had done little but rest over the last few days. Angela had warned him that would linger for a while, his body stretching itself thin as it tried to heal, and deal with the changes it was undergoing, and as much as he hated feeling so tired, he could accept that. What he couldn’t take was this feeling of being adrift in his own body. As though it no longer belonged to him.     

As though it had ever belonged to him.

     He was unaware of his arms creeping up, fingers finding his arms and beginning to scrabble at his skin. Instead, his attention was riveted on that thought, or rather that realisation, as his stomach rolled violently. _It was never mine._ He’d known. He’d always known, but he’d never really acknowledged it, skittering away from the thought, because it was too much. Too painful and too raw. Now, with all his walls pulled down between his collapse, his secrets being revealed and the fever that had laid waste to him, there was no hiding from it. It made the feeling of being out of place in his body a thousand times worse, and his breathing hitched, fingers drawing blood as he pressed deeper, now conscious of what he was doing, chasing the sensation. Searching for something that would make to feel as though his body was his.

     There was warmth on his arms now, and he blinked, taking in the trickle of crimson against sickly skin. It didn’t feel real, and another low noise, an almost sob rose in the back of his throat, just as there was movement by the door. A movement that halted at the exact same moment that he tensed, hunching in on himself, even before he heard the startled noise of dismay, easily recognising McCree’s voice after all the time they’d spent together. Usually, even when he was at his most irritable, he would welcome the other man, even as his improving sense of smell picked up on the soothing scent that he had come to associate with the gunslinger, today he wanted nothing more than to be a million miles away.

“Hey, Hanzo.” McCree, unfortunately, did not seem to be aware of his thoughts, cautiously moving towards him. Hanzo risked a glance, just a wild-eyed peek over his shoulder as McCree’s steps, always surprisingly quiet considering how he dressed and acted most of the time faltered for a second, watching as the other man set the tray of food, he’d been carrying down on the table of the next bed over. As though he’d realised that Hanzo wouldn’t be in the mood for his offering just then, and just like that Hanzo found himself completely, irrationally furious. It didn’t so much as bubble up, as it rose like a wave, cresting over him and sweeping him away, and he wasn’t aware of the fact that he’d snarled, until he realised that McCree had frozen, eyes wide. “Woah, easy it’s just me.” None of his shock bled into his voice, it was as low and soothing as it always was when Hanzo was being difficult, but today it just fanned his anger.

“Go away,” he hissed through gritted teeth, refusing to turn and look at him, not trusting what he will do in this mood. Some part of him knows that the anger is undeserved. That the rage burning in his chest isn’t his, and with the feeling of not belonging in his own body still pressing close, it’s too much, and he’s clinging to what little control he has. He doesn’t want to lash out at McCree, not when he has been so kind to him since this mess began. _But why?_ A small voice, cold and cruel whispers in the back of his mind, and he shivers because he can hear shades of his father in that voice.

“You’re bleeding,” McCree murmurs, seemingly unfazed by Hanzo’s words, although he’s cautious as he steps closer, arms out to show that he means no harm as he realises the archer is watching him over his shoulder. “Let me take care of that, and then I will leave you in peace if that is what you want.” There’s an odd note at the end, one that Hanzo can’t place.

    The offer itself is reasonable, and he can see the concern in McCree’s gaze as sharp eyes trail over his arms, and he can’t help but pull them closer, jostling the wounds he’d inflicted, the aching, emptiness and feeling of being adrift intensifying as the sting feels distant. Hanzo had intended to capitulate, wondering if letting McCree closer which had soothed him more than he cared to admit since he’d been here, would help ease the strange feeling gripping him. But robbed of even the full pain of the wounds, he bristles, the rage that has nothing and everything to do with McCree and the situation, and himself, and the past…and far too many things for him to handle right now, he twisted around so that he was facing the gunslinger.

“What I want is to be left alone!” Hanzo snarled, lips drawn back and teeth bared. He’s honestly not sure which of them are more surprised, not sure what to make of the way McCree’s nostrils flared for a second, a darkness sweeping across his expression before it was pushed behind a blank mask. The mask stung, reminded him too much of how he had always been, and the safety of blankness that he was currently being denied.

“All right.” There’s that odd note in McCree’s voice again, but his voice was still soft, attempting to be soothing as he eases himself back, and Hanzo feels a strange feeling of loss at the sight, even as relief gripped him, distant beneath the lingering anger.

       However, the anger still gripped him tight, bringing another snarl to his lips when McCree hesitated for a moment by the door, and this time there is no missing the way the gunslinger’s shoulders slump a little. It’s like a bucket of cold water, cooling the fires of Hanzo’s temper, but not as much as the sight of the other man slipping out of the door, carefully avoiding his gaze, and the sound of the door clicking shut is deafening in the silence that falls in his wake.

     Just like that, the fury ebbs and breaks, seeping away, leaving him spent and exhausted in the bed, gripping bloody arms and staring at the door, feeling as though he has just lost something.

**

    He’s still sat there almost an hour later when the infirmary door creeps open, and he sees his brother peering in with a worried expression. His anger is but a distant memory at this point, the blood on his arms now smeared and largely dried, arms stinging beneath his bruising grip, and he didn’t protest when Genji took a deep breath and stepped into the room. He closes the door behind him and waits, eyes locked on Hanzo, not judging but assessing, lingering longest on his arms, unable to hide the flicker of pain at the sight of the damage. “Can I come closer?” Hanzo’s not sure which of them is hurt more by the question, is barely aware of the low, broken noise that rises in the back of his throat as he nods.

    Thankfully, Genji doesn’t demand a verbal answer, although he’s still slow and cautious as he approaches, giving Hanzo a chance to change his mind if he wants. He doesn’t, although as always, he tensed at the possibility of contact as soon as his brother reached his bedside, shoulders hunched, and head bowed as he hears Genji sigh softly as he gets a good look at the damage, he had inflicted on himself. “Hanzo…”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, not for this,” Genji manages to sound stern yet soothing at the same time, and Hanzo blinks at him, wondering when his brother had managed to become the person stood in front of him. Wondering if he would still sound the same if he knew how he had acted towards McCree, even as some small part of him realises the gunslinger must have said something, otherwise his brother would have been less cautious in entering, and he stills, wondering just what McCree had said but too afraid to ask. His brother apparently took that as agreement for the time being, although the look he gives Hanzo tells him that they will be talking about this later, before he changes the topic, tilting his head towards Hanzo’s arms. “Is Angela allowed to join us, so that she can take a look at your arms?”

They definitely know.

     Shame colours his cheeks, and he can’t bring himself to look at Genji has he nods. He wants to say no, not sure that he can handle even Angela’s gentle, professional touch right now, but he doesn’t, because he’s already caused enough trouble today. Genji hesitated for a moment, clearly picking up on his reluctance, but finally, he sighed and turned his head. “You can come in.” Hanzo makes a surprised noise at that, hearing the door open again and recognising Angela’s quiet, brisk footsteps between them. “I came prepared,” Genji offered, moving to the side to let the Doctor get to his brother, but remaining close but not too close.

“I am sorry,” Hanzo murmurs again, not knowing what else to say as she reaches him. He’s tense, waiting for admonishment, knowing how hard she has been working to heal him and get him back on his feet.

“Can you stretch out your arms for me?” Angela asks, as calm and collected as always, and caught off guard all he can do is obey. This time when he moves his arms, stretching them out in front of him, tugging on the scratches, some of them deeper than he had realised, there is pain. It still feels distant, but it’s more distinct this time, and he almost welcomes the sensation, because it grounds him, makes his skin feel a little less tight. She has her staff with her he realises belatedly, the warm glow reaching him before it does, and he watches, quiet and unsure as she runs it over the damage, breath hitching as he feels the skin pinching together, the damage slowly melting away. “Are you going to tell us what happened?” It’s a question, not a demand, and he wants to curse as her gentle approach makes his eyes sting. It hurts in a different way, this gentle patience, especially after he had lashed out at McCree and he couldn’t answer, settling for shaking his head and looking down, waiting for her to lose her patience.

     Apparently, they’re all trying to surprise him today, because while she does sigh, it’s not irritated, but something softer. He’d almost say that she sounded sad, but that couldn’t be right. Then she was pulling back, removing the staff, leaving behind blood-stained, but healed skin and Hanzo’s eyes are burning, even more, realising that she had been painfully careful not to touch him. He doesn’t deserve this level of care, and he opens his mouth to say as much, or to apologise, he’s not quite sure, but Angela beats him to it.  “It seems like McCree was correct.” She’s talking to Genji, he realises a moment later, hearing an affirmative from his brother and he glances up, not sure what to make of the conflicted expression on Genji’s face. “I’ll go and let him know.”

“I…”

“It’s all right, Hanzo,” she smiles at him now as he trailed off before her eyes flicker purposefully towards his arms. “Although I would appreciate it if you would refrain from hurting yourself again today.”

“I will.”

“Try and eat something too, I find it always helps,” she smiles again, glancing at Genji, and then she’s gone, heading for the door and leaving Hanzo feeling more lost than ever. He’d expected censure, or demands for answers, not this gentle caring and he doesn’t know what to do with it. Or with the care, she had taken to heal him without touching, even though everyone knew she preferred to use that technology sparingly and primarily in the field.

     It’s Genji who moves first, going across to the other bed and retrieving the tray of food that McCree had left behind and bringing it across to him, setting it on the end of the bed, careful not to brush too close before he settles on the edge. “You heard her; you need to eat.” Genji encourages him, voice low and soothing, careful not to make it an order and Hanzo can feel himself beginning to tremble again. Not sure what to do with himself, he obeys, reaching out to lift the bowl of porridge, knowing even before he tastes it that it is sweetened beyond what most people could bear – just how he likes it. It is. And even though it’s cold now, he forces it down, because McCree had done this for him. Had gone out of his way to cater to his sweet tooth, and for what? To be snarled at and pushed away?

“I told him that I wanted to be left alone…” He hadn’t meant to speak up, was unaware of the damp trail down one cheek as he stared down at the bowl in his lap. “I...” _I ruined everything. He’s not coming back._ There are so many things he wants to say; most he doesn’t understand, and the rest he can’t put into words. “I pushed him too far this time.” He had been pushing for days, he knows that, but McCree had never left before.

“None of that,” Genji murmured, not disagreeing or agreeing, just softly chiding. “Eat your food.” He had fallen a long way Hanzo thought, to come to needing such instruction, swallowing thickly before he obeyed, not knowing what else to do. The food is tasteless in his mouth as he forced down each mouthful with difficulty.

    Eventually, Genji took pity on him, taking the bowl and setting it aside before settling on the edge of the bed once more, reaching out and grasping the covers a short distance from Hanzo’s knee. An imitation of the gentle touch he no doubt wanted to give and Hanzo wished that he could close the gap between them and give his brother what he wanted, just this once if only to prove that he hadn’t pushed everyone away. However, he couldn’t bring himself to move closer, breath hitching at the mere thought of it, and defeat washed over him just as Genji spoke again. “Jesse isn’t mad with you, you know…”

    It took a moment for the quiet words to break through his whirling thoughts and rising panic, and for a moment Hanzo couldn’t breathe, torn between desperately wanting to believe him and remembering the sound of the door closing behind the gunslinger. “He should be…”

“Why? Because you’re struggling to adapt?” Genji asked, and Hanzo winced but couldn’t disagree even as he glanced away, shame colouring his thoughts as another, older voice rose in the back of his mind. _Don’t tell anyone, this must never be known to anyone beyond those in this room…_ _He had broken that edict so many times since waking up, and worse, here he was, open in a way he had never been since he was very young, letting everyone see what he was. Unable to hide his weakness. Even going so far as to throw it at the people around him like a weapon. “Stop that.” He blinked at the quiet plea, jolted from his thoughts by the feel of Genji’s fingers clenching in the bedding and pulling them tight beneath him._

_“What…?”_

_“Overthinking things, blaming yourself,” Genji held up a hand, ticking off the things as he listed them. “Using the words that our family put in your head.” There was a terrible knowing in his eyes as he whispered the last one, and Hanzo felt an echoing pang, knowing that his brother had been subject to just as much censure from their family._

_“I wish it were that easy,” he admitted, the words slipping out before he could stop them, and he paused before realising that he wouldn’t take it back even if he could. He wished that he could forget everything their father, and the clan had told him. He wished that he could go back to that morning when he had first woken to find his body in heat and take a different path. However, there was no point in wishes like that. It was too late to change what had happened, he had learned that through his efforts to get to know Genji again when he had first arrived – they had moved past it, but it would always be there, a memory, a shadow in the back of their minds at the worst time, and this was the same._

_“So, do I,” Genji replied. “For now, I’ll settle for you realising that we’re not the same as them. We’re not going to walk away because of this, no matter how hard you push.” It was an echo of the words he’d used when Hanzo had still been unsure of his place in Overwatch, twisting the feeling of being out of place, into trying to push the others – including Genji away, and Hanzo softened a little at the reminder. However, with it came a bubble of…something._

_“I do.”_

_“Really?” Genji lifted an eyebrow at him, and Hanzo flushed but paused to think about it. He hadn’t hesitated to say it, and now that he really thought about it, he knew that he wasn’t just referring to Genji when he said that. But, McCree left…_ _because I asked him too._ _It was like the sun breaking through the clouds, and he froze, barely aware of the shift in his scent, or the way that Genji was smirking at him, smug and fond all at once._

_Oh…_

 


End file.
